it might be because its time for me to get married like some of my friends did. sometimes we discuss about marriage. most of my friends think like we have to go back to get married and come back again. I have also seen similar statements in sajha.com as well sometime back. i was thinking abut it and was curious about this thing: most of the time this type of discussion is started by a guy not a girl. do only nepali guy( i dont mean all here) who lives abroad go back to nepal to get married? how about nepali girls (not all)? do they also go back to nepal to get married and come with spouse or they generally dont go back to nepal for marriage purpose?

[ i am sure there are some exceptions here but i am speaking in general term so pls. pls.. do not start hurling stuffs at me ]

south,
this is what i feel. guys(nepalese) have this big ego. so they cannot have this cordial relationship with girls(nepalese) in US. {mostly}. so, they go back for {2 weeks} and get married and come back. Now, its an arranged, plus they are bringing a new person into a different environment. they practically own them. [ u all know what i mean. now please do not take it like a material sense....]. because of this ego guys usually have this so called guilt. [ for various reasons.. ] so they seem to high light this fact that they are obedient sons who went back to Nepal to get married [fulfiling an obligation].

nepalese grls.. do go back for marriage. usually, its arranged [ either by themselves or parents]. (o: . just like guys... and since they do not have guilts or they are very good at hiding/overcoming them they seem to go along with life.

====================================================
just my thouts.. when i am insomniac...
but as always
what do i know? (o:

This thread is going to be very interesting for sure. I cant wait for what girls have to say here. As far as I am concerned, unless I fall for someone different from the crowd here, I would go back to find a decent woman. Dont get me wrong gurls, but more than often I have seen here gurls changing their bf like changing their nail polishes and in that course, they do all they can what our society does not allow us to do at home. I am not conservative and I can understand few serious relnship but....i am sure all nepalis who go st.cloud or Findlay knows what I am talking about here.
This doesnot apply to gurls who are well cultured (beautiful as well) and if anybody falls in this catagory, u know who to contact to......

bullish,
now explain it to me what our culture do not allow us to do back home?
what makes u think that girls back home are as "decent" as u think?

u said u r not conservative but ur own statement contradicts u!! "pls read ur post again and tell me if i lied."

lets c,

i. does our culture allows men to have premarital sex? [ culturally no. but its a male dominant society so its okey.. dbl standards]
ii. hindu culture wants women to be faithful to their husbands"patibrata" and they as well do have this "patnibratha" . but since nepalese is a male dominant they treat women differnetly [ again dbl standard]
iii. men can have multiple wives and female cannot. [ culturallty its okey. religion does not bar it. eg. panchali. but male dominant society like nepal... its not acceptable again dbl standard]
iv. men can marry next day after being a widower; female cannot. [ culturally there was no restriction but socially male dominant society .. dbl standards]

if MEN HAVE SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE THEN HE IS CALLED "MARD KO CHORA" if FEMALE DOES THE SAME THEN SHE IS "SLUT" so it is DBL STANDARD, that we have been fed into.. . NOTHING TO DO WITH CULTURE AND RELIGION.

====================================================
again my INSOMNIAC THOUTS.
once again,
what do i know???

thapapji,

Bullish says,
I am not conservative and I can understand few serious relnship but....i am sure all nepalis who go st.cloud or Findlay knows what I am talking about here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I said I am not conservative because its ok with my future wife to have few serious relnships (it is self understood here that in serious relnship, sex in no big deal) . If I can enjoy flirting and playing and having relnsh with other grils, why cant she?? I just cant take girls who makes serious commitment to diff guy every month. If u havenot been to st.cloud or findley or any other universities that have bunch of nepalis, dear, u r from the reality...and pls dont bullshit about patibrata or pantibrata...who cares about those issues?

bullish jyu,
gotcha.. mero dimag alli moto chha kya.. tesaile kura bhujna time lagchha... i meant no harm hai .. sorry ...

anyway, its glad u do not care about those issues... (o: thats a very good thing. i am for real and was mentioning them to differentiate between religious, cultural and our social practice..

so u mean to say that in st. cloud and findley that there are some player girls huh!!!.

may be they are just trying to find "the someone".... (o:

1 thing for sure just having a serious relationship does not imply that they are sleeping together as well. hard to judge ain't it!!

====================================================
this time i am awake but half sleep
so anyways and as always,
what do i know?

dudes, kasto kura nabujheko...South is asking for a matromonial site via Sajha.. Hello San bro..you cud make a chunk of money...why don't we ask all particiapnts to send in their pics and biodata...and we'll find matches...not only that we'll do a full coverage of each engaged couple via Sajha and the whole marriage procession too... Weddings Inc. Sajha...nice..soo exciting!!!

by the way guys..my views..

dudes from nepal sucks as much as dudes out here..The other day..this so called 'arranged" fiance said hey I am so and so If you'll give me your car keys and house keys, I can promise you happiness otherwise I am not sure whether I like you....Cheapster!!! and for the other one..he ripped me off for a lunch date...had 7 bucks in his pocket..and said he needs that for the taxi home..jeeeeeeeez...enuf!!!

But that is reality..both guys and girls..instead of falling in love and marrying ..they talk on the line.."mere pas bangla hey gaddi hey..greencard hey, degree hey..tumharey pass dene ke liya kya hey"....IT's more like buying/selling of bheda bakhra in Toondikhel...what a shame!!!

Forget about the premarital sex and dates..that is not even the issue..
and what is the guarantee that the girl/guy you marry from Nepal is any better than ppl out here..what a stupid hypothesis....

That leaves us two choices
A. Just close your eyes and marry the person your parents wants
B. Find the right person YOurself..place has nothing to do..just keep looking!

the thing is that nepali girls in the US are usually more independant & free-thinking then in nepal. theyre scared that a nepali guy from nepal is gonna be really traditional or old-thinking. also nepali girls - esp those educated in US - want guy w/more credentials & education so they want the best which means from US.

seriously dude, i'm looking for a TLC homeboy..i''ll do the rest..get the whole package??NICE..

"mere pas bangla hey gaddi hey..greencard hey, degree hey..tumharey pass dene ke liya kya hey"....

MERE PAAS MAA HAI MAA , i CAN GIVE THAT TO U AND U CAN HAVE GOOD TIME TOGETHER
SASU - BUHARI ;)
~ Peace

hushpuppy, i am not asking for matrimonial site here. to tell you the truth i dont need one as i already have girl friend (nepali). i was just curious how many nepali girls goes back to nepal, get maried and come with spouce. this is 21st century and I think we should not think about i am guy so i should be more educated and girl should be less educated. it would be a very difficult situation for a girl with phd degree to get married as there is no higher degree. i guess what i am curious about is: are foreign educated nepali girls open enough to get married with nepali guys staying in nepal and come here ( say USA). if a guy can do that why not girls?

of course half of my friends have done that..and other half like me contemplating about nepali guys or even marriage at all..bachelorretes are more fun don't you think so?

thanks hushpuppy.

Well, I have an intention of getting married twice in my life. Like most of the things in my life I have never succeed in the first time and has been super successes in the second chances. Thankfully I have gotten a lot of second chances. And I'm banking on my "second chance".

So I'm going to regard my first marriage as an experiment and a kind of "research thing" which I'll not reveal to my "to-be-divorced" "would be wife" until we get divorced.

I was just wondering if premarital sex can be regarded as a case of moral degradation. Is there any justification for sex before marriage on moral grounds. Some people, really 'weird' ones in general terms might value virtue and idealogies over everything else. Is that being foolish or how does one convince oneself that it is okay to have premarital sex by not doing that oneself. Can somebody please enlighten me.

Is that marriage? Most of the time it is a compromising bragaining among the same caste, well-achieved people.

When we talk about love, it is more about loving the person despite his/her qualification, money, etc. When it comes to marriages in Nepal, first thing is to see how much money the guy has and what is his qualification and where does he belong among the social status. Once these things are determined, then the girls will love them. This is the most selfish act i have seen in Kathmandu. Many of my classmates even has other boyfriends but they would rather leave the guy and marry some stupid rich dad's son so that they can have a happy life.

They do not even care whether the guy has any pasts or his background.

And that is what we call marriage and love in Nepal these days. It is disgusting but it is the truth.

I will have to admit that maybe nepali girls might not be too keen to go back home and get married and comeback here. Nepali guys have a big ego so I don't even know if something like that might work out, if the girl is more educated than the guy, obviously it's going to be hard trying to be on the same page. And arranged marriage of all things? i don't know how anybody could get married to a stranger!!

when the time is right and you have found the right person--nepali or not --you will know--am not nepali--my husband is--he came to america about 14 yrs ago-we've been married almost 10 yrs and dated for 2 yrs--to make the marriage work-we made a rule never to say" we do the his nepali way" or "we do my way--asian way--" we do whatever works-it's not that easy--we also have friends that are married to other nationalities-americans included but i believe it'a work in progress. As my husband said-it would have been hard for him to have married a nepalese and bring her over here after he spent so many years in the usa already.
Meeting my inlaws -was easier than i thought--they are the coolest--very hassle free-2 requirements--visit nepal once a year and wear sindhoor--that's no big deal for me--mom-in-law doesnt speak hindi or english-but i learned to speak conversational nepali so we get a long just fine
there are good days and bad days just like any couple-we even got married 3 times- catholic, hindu and court--we try to do everything --asian new year, nepali new year, desai, christmas-we celebrate both cultures so our child can experience and grow up knowing both--
hope this helps

this is one of the great threads i have seen ... keep it up

thepap..you make great points!