Life was easy and comfortable with just two of us. Then came in-laws as permanent resident.
How to adapt now?
Very stressed about bihana belka ko dal vaat, waiting for restroom, …….Expenses….

That’s the story everywhere just the degree is different. Hopefully they will get bored like most parents and go back after few months, come again a couple of times and finally give up rue green card.

If does not look likely have your parents apply for the visa too and your in laws will get the hint.

In all fairness, the visits of in laws should alternate between both parents.

Lights88 have u heard about henpecked husband …. You fall under that category. Tero budi le society ma saaaan dekhauna america bolayo ta majja le fasis. Euta Nepali nanny lai take care garna na raakhera paisa ko greed le taile aafno jindagi lai bekaar banayees. Aba talai tera sasu sasura le Kaile pani choddainan.
Tero budi le aama huwa lai matra hoina tero sala lai pani bolauney tarkharr gariraheko chha . Tesaile tera sasu sasura gc holder bhayeka hoon. Afu anuhaar ra dhanuwaar khaal ko manchay paris.. bihey garda Ali afu bhanda ramro dekhis… pachi gayera sab ko bhutro tehi ho .
Tero jindagi gayo bhai .. sakchau bhane aafno budi lai thau ma raakh natra tero jindagi na ta Yaya na ta uta ko huncha yehi chicagoan ko jasto . Aafu kehi garna sakdaina aru lai yo tyo bhandai gunaso garcha .

@Chicagoan fair enough you said that. Looking forward next couple of months.

hem Adhikari, sayed hola

"तेरो जिन्दगि गयो भै .. सक्छौ भने आफ्नो बुडी लै ठाउँ मा राख नत्र तेरो जिन्दगि न त या को न त उता को हुन्छ येही chicagoan को जस्तो "

यति लेखि सके पछि तैले चै आफ्नी बुढीलाई कसरि ठिक ठाउ मा राखन के के गरिस त्यो पनि लेखी दिएको भए तिई सुझाब का आधारमा बुढी ठिक राखन मद्दत गर्थ्यो | कहिँ यी सुझबा दाता कुमार नै हुन् वा बुढी पिडित हुनु पर्छ : किनकी यिनका लेखाइबाट बुडिले मुतुनो मा साचो लागाएकि वा छोडेर हिडेकी हुनु पर्छ |

You have to be up-front with your wife about it. You have to clearly and openly tell your wife that you are not comfortable living with in-laws for long term and if they plan to stay here permanently they need to find their own place .

It might get tricky in the beginning but you have to be open and honest about, otherwise life, relationships everything can be miserable very quickly .

Some people have it and can live with many extended families under same roof, some simply don’t . I never liked living with extended family. People will say things like not loving your family or not talking care of them. But I personally don’t think living together is same as loving and taking care. So sooner you make it clear is better .

Financial aspect of it including health insurance is tricky , depends on your situation and income . But for most part , US systems are not favorable to fund in-laws or even parents as dependents completely . Hence its better to explain everyone clearly and openly rather than making everyone’s life miserable for the sake of show off in nepal that they live with their daughter in US. And trust me if they are 50 plus in age , they won’t like living here , unless there is some other things going on like intention to make some money or wanting to spend time with grand kids.

In my case, they realize after 5/6 month that I don’t like them living in my house permanently. I never had good chemistry with my MIL and she knew it. I openly told my wife that don’t want to stay with laws . I even decided to hire nanny while my first kid was 4 month old, so that they get message that it’s time to go. And eventually they left . For long term I made compermise to send like 400$ per month to hire someone in nepal to take care of them or spent it in what ever way they like. They do have son and extended family back home.

If your wife is only child, then situation might get tricky depending on your in laws level of comfort on living alone. I have seen many people living independently alone in Nepal in old age recently but you still need to hire some professional help at some point depending on age and health , if there is no immediate relative to take care of them. It’s difficult situation but it needs to be death with balance and honesty.

@ logan
Tero …….. ra budi jasto ho ra mula khatey thokaudai hidney. Ma ta 28 barsiya abibaahit parey gojyangre mula 40 barsa ko ganauney buda.

Theyvwill be constantly in ur space. No escape. Since they havent worked here for 10 years they dont qualify for medicare and since u sponsored them they dont get medicaid. Some might get lucky and get some medicaid but its not like juat paying 2000 rs and seeing a specialist in Nepal. They get so frustrated of not having social life that they will start shouting at ur kid and u cant do nothing cuz ur wife will be biased. Unless they can get a job and sell their property to buy an apt here its very detrimental to ur relationship with ur wife.

One word: nightmare … don’t do it. It’s all good for 2-3 months but after that it’s going to be a disaster. Fked up part about our society and in laws is they’ll always favor their son/daughter no matter how good you do to them. They don’t accept and realize that.
Just tell your wife about this

Why is everyone assuming op is a husband, could be a wife in which case its even worse cuz now u have to be a good buhari etc good bye to ur career cuz u have to watch and kid and ur in laws. No they cant and wont watch ur kid 24 7 and they wont eat quick meals, dal bhat is the most. Plus their travel tickets when they do bqck n forth

I had similar situation. I told my wife clearly that I can not live with your parents and siblings for long time. Eventually she got it ( even though she got mad in the beginning) and they left. Life is short and do not live miserably. Talk to your wife clearly what you want. Never ever live with extended family, many problems come on the way.

Life was easy and comfortable with just two of us and one day you got paralyzed down waist….now you cannot fulfill any duties and top medical expenses. What should your wife/husband do?
Put you and your parents in that perspective and do something good. Y’all can workout something together without compromising you precious lifestyle.

NEPAL has top notch docs and hospitals now a days and easy access to top tier specialist. Also really close to India and its best medical facilities. Now a days you can hire 24 ×7 care at around 40 50 k rs a month. If you r bringing ur parents to het locked up in the house with no social life then either ur a emotional fool who cant make reasonabke decisions or a selfish moron who wants to show rhe world how sucesssful you are over here; u know house, IT etc job ,parents gc etc. But is it to their best intrest and urs , think with cool mind.

@meraj, I appreciate your information and suggestions, I find it comforting and helpful to give me room to think.

@guy_tensed already agreed with 'always favor their son/daughter no matter how good you do to them'.

Guys if it was your own parents coming then you are fine with it because you think that in Nepal girls go and live with guy’s family. But in America you have to think in terms of equality. If you are ok with having your parents come live with you then you have to be open to the notion of your wife’s parents coming to live with you.

Just like you dont want to leave your parents on their own in their old age, your wife also wants to support her parents. It may not always be feasible to put the in laws or your parents in their own place in America when their sole reason for coming would be to be with their children.

Hindu religion is sexist, castist. That is why I don’t like hinduism. We are brought up in a male centric society which gives men more power and importance. We have to grow up to respect each human being for who they are and not keep supporting sexist cultures which is unfair and unjust towards women.

Neuro lai kasaile 🥇 bata sammanit gardeum na . I know very few Nepali guy who want their parents to live here forever . Tyo pani they do it because of their ongoing health problems and I do understand that ani that’s not striking to
me . Even a married guy doesn’t want their parents to live with them forever here . I don’t have a problem if they buy house in different places, work and live their own . Tara living in jwai’s place for year and year is a shameful move . Who does that ?? Yaaa person who doesn’t have houses back home, who is renting a place does have balls to do this .

Neurologist, duty is one things feelings are another. You are assuming Lights88 is a guy. Let’s assume for a second she is a woman. As a buhari, in a patriarchal society (as you pointed out), it will be hard for her to live with her in laws forever. Now let’s assume the original poster is a guy. As a jwai it will be a little bit easier for him, same reason, patriarchal society. But in the long run it may still be hard for him even though he may not mention as much or do some kind of drama if it was the former situation.

In the end, everyone suffers. The son or daughter trying to maintain peace or keep everyone happy. The son in law or daughter in law, wondering when this will end. And mostly the parents, feeling unwanted.

So the best thing to do is rotate the parents and in laws, a few months or a year so it is fair to everyone involved.

Some in laws are not nice at all and have no shame of living with jwais. Some of them are flat out toxic cuz of their mental , emotional issues orbsocial traumas act to destroy you knowlingly or unknowlingy.
My mil wanted us to be seperated so she would get full attention from her daughter. She knew that judges in the US would favor women more with assets and she could be living with her daughter with the alomony.
Now that the child is involved im protecting my fam even harder than before. There is really no need to come to usa and stay at home watching shows on youtube all day when u can do the same in Nepal. Hospitals , docs ,specialist , pathao , 24 7 home care service, online shopping. Whats not there in Nepal now a days. You can come visit every few years and we can vist them too but to permanently living together is a big issue.
If ur inlaws are like say in 60s and they live for another 30 yrs or so arebyou ready to live together for another 30 yrs? Are you reqdy to buy them insurence and provide in home care with ur dollars?

All this problem arises from lack of proper information that once u have a geeen card thenm u get all the benefits from the gobt. They dont get medicaid since u sponsored them, wont get medicare cuz they havent worked 10 yrs in the usa. Dont play with their health by only taking to some free clinics when they would offord and easily access top notch specialist in Nepal.