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 Marriage not working!

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Posted on 09-08-16 8:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hello all,
Need serious suggestions. I got married a few months back in Nepal. It was arranged type of thing. Everything wa alright until I met my ex a week before wedding. She persisted me to meet her for the last time and I did so. She called me two days before my wedding but I asked her not to call me or text and told her I was getting married. Story doesn't end there. She asked me to forgive her, give her a chance and cancel the wedding. Instead of canceling the wedding, I asked her to run away and to get married in a court, but she denied. She just wanted me to run away but I couldn't trust her; the reason was straight. She left me when we had a small fight over her ex being her best friend and on her facbook; I tried to save the relation for 5 long months; and finally got married.

When I returned back home from wedding, I realized I lost feelings for my wife. It went so bad, guys. I was like I made a huge mistake. I couldn't even sleep well with my wife while I was back in Nepal. Since I left Nepal, I haven't spoken with my wife. That's not the only thing, I haven't been able to sleep, work or do anything. I have been punishing myself for not giving another chance to my ex and for ruining my wife's life.

I just got an email from my employer that I was terminated due to poor performance. I have nothing now. Lost family because they forced me so much for marriage even I wasn't ready. Lost wife since I haven't spoken with her since I married her. Lost that ex bitch. Lost health and wealth. Almost everything.

Dear brothers, sisters and friends on sajha, I need your advices on divorce. Is divorce ethically or morally right? If I ask my wife to divorce me, would it be considered as I ruined her life? Would I stick with her even I don feel anything for her? Is it okay to seek divorce in Nepal if marriages don't work? Would I have to regret all my life for just divorcing her? Please guys, throw in some fruitful suggestions and some hopes to stay alive. I am being frustrated and sucidal thoughts are coming accross my mind.
Posted on 09-09-16 11:26 AM     [Snapshot: 959]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Biruwa, I had exact same feeling when I saw responses here, family value among us (nepali) is always the best, I feel to be proud of being Nepali, moving on to main topic, Bigrekoketa, dont ruin your life with your short decision, think about your wife, she is being punished without doing any-mistake, marriage for a girl is very big thing she has sacrificed everything oh her to come into life, you cant be that selfish to ruin her life. Take a rest think twice and make a wise decision bro, life is like this,there is always up n down. I hope you will take wise decision .

Good luck
Posted on 09-09-16 2:08 PM     [Snapshot: 1109]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Due, if it helps, in addition to all the wonderful and unbiased thoughts and advises from other posters - STAY WITH YOUR WIFE. Right now, your brain and judgment is clouded; you're biased; and are unable to think clearly and see the right thing. Why? Because of your emotions and feelings for your ex. But all these people on Sajha that are advising you, myself included, are seeing the situation neutrally. Are basing their judgment neutrally. And are advising your neutrally (and some based on their personal experiences too, I am sure). So, please listen to us all and as much as difficult it might be, cease any emotions or feelings for your ex. If you think you made a mistake by marrying your wife, be a man and own up your mistake and make it right by living the husband-wife relationship.

What do you think? All marriages are supposed to be perfect as soon as two people agree to live together and perform some hours lasting rituals? It takes time and effort and understanding and trust and many many more things for both individuals to live a happy and healthy marriage. For some, it will not be that hard because and for others may be a little harder to sustain a marriage. You are clouded with seconds thoughts about your marriage and about your ex, so naturally it will be difficult for you to challenge yourself and build and nurture and cultivate love and affection and feelings for your wife, but you ought to do it.

Think for a moment - if you abandon your wife and go back to your ex. What are the chances, she will not change her mind and start ignoring you for a small reason or no reason?

Please do yourself a fever. Forget about the past. Make it up with your wife. Good Luck!
Posted on 09-09-16 2:19 PM     [Snapshot: 1164]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hami Nepali lai upadesh dina chahi khub auchha
Posted on 09-09-16 2:30 PM     [Snapshot: 1187]     Reply [Subscribe]
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They are giving advice because the guy asked for it; unlike you who barged in here to point out our "quality" without us asking for it. Hami Nepali lai "Hami Nepali yesto, Hami Nepali usto" bhanna khub auchha. Katina sara sansarko bishleshan garera Nepalma matrai yesto hundo rahechha bhanya jasto.
Posted on 09-09-16 3:48 PM     [Snapshot: 1262]     Reply [Subscribe]
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ओहो सुन्दा पनि दिक्क लाग्ने लौन . पैलो त फोर्स मा बिहे गर्ने नहुने तर हाम्रो culture , इट्स ok . अनि फोर्स त ऐले को wife ले गरेको हैन होला मलाई बिहे गर कि गर vanera . विचरा उनि सारै innocent क्ष उसलाई त तपाइको ex बारे नि था क्षैन होला अनि सोच्नोस त .
दोस्रो, तपाइको ex ले लात्त मरेकै रैक्ष त/ तपाई, तिओ ex लै chaiyeko vaye किन इग्नोरे गर्थिओ र एक चोतिको चोर सदै को चोर सम्जनु न . अरु भन्दा नि नया wife लै धोका नदिनु प्लजज्ज़, उसलाई केई था क्षैन होला तपाई vandai कुरिराहोला....
येस्तै ex र wife को कथा पर्तक्ष्ये देखेको थिए ...ऐले सम्म तिओ केटा change va क्षैन विचरा wife को daily रुवाबासी ...सो सब कुरा तपैमै var पर्क्ष है.....good luck ....

narisau hai spiritual
Posted on 09-09-16 4:30 PM     [Snapshot: 1227]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Bigrekomanxe... You are 29 and your wife's age is 23. Human mind is usually restless till it reaches 30. You have to be very vigilant about your thoughts and desires because what you are is your deepest desires and thoughts. It is easy to tame a wild animal but extremely hard to control one's own mind. Whoever knows how to control his/her mind is worthy of worship in this world.

You must understand that whatever comes also goes. Why make a big fuss about temporary phenomenon of this world and make our lives more complicated? Why become slave of our own thoughts and desires which are not even us deep down? Newton's third law of motion states that: "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Similarly, your actions also do have consequences. Please understand that the law of karma is at work in this world. You seek a divorce from an innocent wife who has not committed any faults, you are implanting a seed for greater destruction in your life. Life is a continuous phenomenon until total liberation. Don't be stupid and engage yourself in a childish act and suffer unlimited pain and sorrow. What has gone is gone. Once a river merge in an ocean, do the river lost anything? Similarly, your ex has gone, your wife has come! How awesome is that? You should be thankful to the law of the universe: It gives us whatever we deserve!

The problem is never outside. I used to move from one city to another city seeking happiness but i couldn't find it anywhere. Later, one day I sat in meditation and found a whole new inner world which is vaster than this word! This world keeps changing. You cannot deny this fact. Whatever thoughts you are experiencing right now is merely thoughts and imagination. All imaginations are mental hallucinations which are experienced as if they are real! The water seen on the mirage is not a real water and will never quench your thirst. Similarly, you are hallucinated by your own psychological conditioning. All psychological conditioning is a mental disease. Get rid of those cancers called thoughts and desires, and be peaceful by becoming no-mind. The moment you understand how to witness all these thoughts without being swayed away, you understand who you are and how to handle situations. Why claim the ownership of thoughts and desire and experience ups and down in life when by becoming indifferent to them brings supreme bliss? Let the happening happen, you control your mind!

Coming back to your present reality, your mind is imagining that someone is your wife, your mind is also imagining that someone is your ex! Both are merely imaginations and hence fictitious hallucinations. Both are unreal reality including your own mind! However, for the shake of bringing unreal happiness in your present life, you need to play a game of unreal business here. It is now time to do what economist call "cost benefit analysis." You ask yourself what is the cost of divorcing your wife and what is the cost of bringing back your ex in your life. Once you calculate the costs and benefits, do what pleases you, rest will be taken care by your karma.

Om Tat Sat.
Posted on 09-09-16 4:50 PM     [Snapshot: 1372]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 09-09-16 5:05 PM     [Snapshot: 1356]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 16-Sep-16 09:41 AM

Posted on 09-09-16 5:16 PM     [Snapshot: 1410]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thank you all for suggestions. Guys, I am not with my ex neither we talk.
Posted on 09-09-16 5:20 PM     [Snapshot: 1415]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Your ex is probably in love with the other guy. She is playing with you and the other guy both same time... I would leave that ex immediately.
Posted on 09-09-16 5:49 PM     [Snapshot: 1455]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I understand your situation and trust me suside is not at all a solution to that. You still have life most importantly wife, Who still dreams of spending rest of her life with you. You got fired that's okay... fix yourself, get your shit together there's Lotta a opportunity around the corner, you can't see because you've closed your eyes. And wise words: During such times Lotta people incline towards alcohol which will just fuzzy ur brain and deprive you from making right choices and decisions;, if you are Please Stop that because you can't see a clear pic and get fucked up more. If you are ultimately just thinking of divorce think about it with a clear mind, you'll definitely find a solution. Good Luck!! Also talk to your good frens...who listens that helps. Cheer up and be a man!!.
Posted on 09-10-16 12:35 PM     [Snapshot: 1865]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Forget your ex
Focus on your wife
Peace of mind
Posted on 09-10-16 6:28 PM     [Snapshot: 2041]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Moran's dwell on past and ruin their present life.
Last edited: 10-Sep-16 07:44 PM

Posted on 09-10-16 8:15 PM     [Snapshot: 2132]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 11-Sep-16 01:27 AM

Posted on 09-11-16 10:55 AM     [Snapshot: 2354]     Reply [Subscribe]
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You are thinking about your ex who left you for somebody else and want to get back to you again. You must be one weak emotional piece of shit. You talk about being forced to get married. You are a grown ass man and you are looking for excuses right now. You are a selfish dude. I would never associate with a prick like you even if you were my own blood, i would disown you in a second.
How can a human being go to sleep with these malicious thinking. You are right that you cant sleep, but not for the reasons you have stated, instead you should be losing sleep for ruining that poor girl that you married.
Posted on 09-11-16 7:11 PM     [Snapshot: 2580]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 09-13-16 4:36 PM     [Snapshot: 3035]     Reply [Subscribe]
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.....do what you want to do ..however think about this ...if you divorce your wife in Nepal she will probably never be able to get married again so you will be ruining her life.

But then again it all depends upon the situation if your wife is independent and doesnt give a shit about you as well then yea , it might be just easier and healthier to get a divorce.

Posted on 09-13-16 11:11 PM     [Snapshot: 3167]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Bigreko dude..marriage not working because you are too busy focusing on your ex..grow pair of balls and tell your ex to fuq off and love your wife..only thing your ex is doing is called rebound love or maybe revenge.. Usually with rebound, girls can't find a guy or feel insecure and goes back to the ex's..if I were you I would ditch the bitch to the curb and take the wife to seaside..but again, it's easy for me to say, you are the only who has to live with it .. So dude take a chill pill and do what you think is best for both of you.
Posted on 09-15-16 4:43 PM     [Snapshot: 3437]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Get that ex out of your life. Case closed.
Posted on 09-15-16 8:09 PM     [Snapshot: 3531]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Let me tell you the truth. I am not with my ex neither we talk. But, yes I think of her. I regret that I was not able to give her a second chance. This is what is killing me. I am kinda guy who doesn't make false promises. If I make, I try my best to make them true. In some extent, I tried too but I got my ego hurt from her. Only reason I gave up on her. And it it killing me. Was it a reason to give up?

I need some kinda therapy guys. I am in a difficult situation. I strongly believe that I made a mistake by giving up on her. And it kills me everyday.

Secondly, when we met a week before my wedding, we exchanged kisses. I knew that I was marrying the other girl but I now think like why did I kiss her? Another point of regretting here.

Third, I told her that I was getting married when she texted me back two days after Valentine's Day. Actually she called me to meet up on Valentine's Day but when I asked to meet. She said she didn't call me and she wasn't sure about the relation. So I said 'yes' to my wife for marriage. Then family fixed my wedding date.

Forth, my ex didn't believe that I was getting married. She though I was just making her jealous. When we met, I asked her to run away and get married in the court but she said nothing. So I couldn't cancel my wedding. What I thought at that time was it was wasting of time with her since she didn't seem serious.

What I believe now is why did I have to get married? Why did I have to ruin two lives? Why ? It's not a point that I couldn't marry my ex, my point is I had to forget the ex first and then get married after a year or so. These feeling are what are killing me.

Why ? Why ? Why did I do this?

Thank you all for your geniune replyes.


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