They ask me gazillions
of times, why do I love him so much. I don’t have an answer. How do I explain
Love when I, myself am exploring it every day. What I think of it yesterday doesn’t
work today and what I am thinking for tomorrow right now,will surely not work.
I can’t say I love him
because he has ravishing good looks because honestly girls won’t even turn
their head when he passes by. He is just another guy, an average Joe. But Joe
is extremely intelligent and smart. I love the fact that he beats me with his
knowledge. His deep knowledge of subjects has always extended the hours of our
conversations.
The question still
lingers, why do I love him so much? Yea I ask that to myself too many a times,
why him and no one else. I still have a clear picture of our first date coz he
made me wait for an hour. And how stupid of me to wait, just to tell him that I
am leaving coz he made me wait. Ever since, I developed the habit to wait for
him.
He is the only person I
wait for hours. He is the only person I
endure healthy bullying from. If it was someone else, I probably would have
bashed the shit out of that person but not him. I feel he doesn’t mean any
harm. When he brushes his arms against mine when we are in a group, I feel
safe. I feel he is around for me. He takes care of me. He let me cry in his
arms when I am hurt. I ever blow my nose on his tee shirt and he doesn’t say a
word. He fixes me eyeliner when it is smudged. He says I look beautiful when I
know I look like an emotional wreck.
No I never cried to
blackmail him. I don’t cry until it hurts a lot. Until it pinches the core of
my heart. And he knows it very well. I love him because, I have never felt good
loving anyone so much. I feel good when I see that smile on his face, the happy
face. When I suggest him and it works for him, the smell of success, oh how
much I enjoy it. The clinching of togetherness when things go wrong. The
superiority feeling when I know I am his strength of life.
We have shared ice
cream to business ideas. We have cried over a movie to a death in a family. We have
failed and again held each other together at difficult times. Isn’t it all what
love is all about? Do we need to buy expensive gifts to show love? Do we need
to kiss every time to show our care? Is it enough to have each other to live
and survive? Will he let go of my hands ever?
After exactly five
years, nine month and nineteen days since we met, I am getting married. I loved
him all this while and at the end he couldn’t hold my hand. I am getting
married to someone I don’t know. I haven’t felt the brushing of his arms, I don’t
know how he will treat me in bed, I don’t know if he will let me blow my nose
on his tee shirt but all I know is at the end I have loved someone dearly.
Wholeheartedly. It just didn’t end the way I wished it to end. Now I must look
at the new beginning. Will I be a good lover again????