Monologue of a Confused Lover

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They ask me gazillions of times, why do I love him so much. I don’t have an answer. How do I explain Love when I, myself am exploring it every day. What I think of it yesterday doesn’t work today and what I am thinking for tomorrow right now,will surely not work. I can’t say I love him because he has ravishing good looks because honestly girls won’t even turn their head when he passes by. He is just another guy, an average Joe. But Joe is extremely intelligent and smart. I love the fact that he beats me with his knowledge. His deep knowledge of subjects has always extended the hours of our conversations. The question still lingers, why do I love him so much? Yea I ask that to myself too many a times, why him and no one else. I still have a clear picture of our first date coz he made me wait for an hour. And how stupid of me to wait, just to tell him that I am leaving coz he made me wait. Ever since, I developed the habit to wait for him. He is the only person I wait for hours.  He is the only person I endure healthy bullying from. If it was someone else, I probably would have bashed the shit out of that person but not him. I feel he doesn’t mean any harm. When he brushes his arms against mine when we are in a group, I feel safe. I feel he is around for me. He takes care of me. He let me cry in his arms when I am hurt. I ever blow my nose on his tee shirt and he doesn’t say a word. He fixes me eyeliner when it is smudged. He says I look beautiful when I know I look like an emotional wreck. No I never cried to blackmail him. I don’t cry until it hurts a lot. Until it pinches the core of my heart. And he knows it very well. I love him because, I have never felt good loving anyone so much. I feel good when I see that smile on his face, the happy face. When I suggest him and it works for him, the smell of success, oh how much I enjoy it. The clinching of togetherness when things go wrong. The superiority feeling when I know I am his strength of life. We have shared ice cream to business ideas. We have cried over a movie to a death in a family. We have failed and again held each other together at difficult times. Isn’t it all what love is all about? Do we need to buy expensive gifts to show love? Do we need to kiss every time to show our care? Is it enough to have each other to live and survive? Will he let go of my hands ever? After exactly five years, nine month and nineteen days since we met, I am getting married. I loved him all this while and at the end he couldn’t hold my hand. I am getting married to someone I don’t know. I haven’t felt the brushing of his arms, I don’t know how he will treat me in bed, I don’t know if he will let me blow my nose on his tee shirt but all I know is at the end I have loved someone dearly. Wholeheartedly. It just didn’t end the way I wished it to end. Now I must look at the new beginning. Will I be a good lover again????  

Ambrosia · Jul 10, 2014 11:56 AM · 37,582 views

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Huss! Tapai lai muri muri dhanyabaad. Hajur ko are thread ko pratikriya pardheko chhu maile....lol.....mero ma ta testo khalko pratikriya aaudaina hola ni hai???? Lol: p

Ambrosia · Jul 11, 2014 7:52 PM

Huss! Tapai lai muri muri dhanyabaad. Hajur ko are thread ko pratikriya pardheko chhu maile....lol.....mero ma ta testo khalko pratikriya aaudaina hola ni hai???? Lol: p

Ambrosia · Jul 11, 2014 7:52 PM

A long time reader of your work, first time commenter here. Like your writing and passion to make story out of small things in life. Stuffs happen and everybody has stories to tell. Could have made it a little longer may be, but would like to read a sequel to it if not asking for more. Keep it up. B.

Bennedict · Jul 12, 2014 8:11 AM

And, here is another silent reader of yours. As always, another captivating piece of writing. The U-turn at the end made me wish that this narrative was a product of fiction than a real life event. We look forward to reading more from you.

Yakku · Jul 12, 2014 9:05 AM

Mr. Bennedict...... I read Benedril......sorry.....my bad...... thank you sooo much ....like really so so much......I feel flattered when silent readers starts commenting on my work....it means I m successful in reaching your hearts. My style of writing is more precise and short. But I ll try to think of a sequel .....I think its a brilliant idea.

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 9:59 AM

Yakku jee, This is work of fiction with real emotions is all I can say. And thank you to you as well for commenting..... I hope to get more constructive criticism:)

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 10:00 AM

एम्ब्रोसिया जी, फुल जस्तो मान्छेलाइ फुल जस्तै प्रतिक्रिया हुनु पर्छ भन्ने हाम्रो दृढ बिश्वास छ|

yotabhayananisom · Jul 12, 2014 12:59 PM

Ijmmmm

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 2:23 PM

Yotabhayenanisom jee, Tyo ta theekai chha tara ful chahi angregi wala fool ki nepali wala hola kunni???

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 2:26 PM

हजुर जस्तो नेपाली फुल को लागि नेपाली फुल नै हो नि| आफुलाई त हजुरलाई जस्तो कलाकारिता पनि आउदैन| तेसैले हजुरको लागि यहि गीत डेडिकेट गर्द्या छु| मन पराइदिनुस ल| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v... Last edited: 12-Jul-14 08:13 PM

yotabhayananisom · Jul 12, 2014 8:12 PM

Launa!! channu pani yo geet bhayo......mero all time favorite geet haru ma parcha :)....muri muri dhanyabaad!!!!

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 8:22 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHA Nas jee ma aafunai danga chhu.....Som jee le yesto mitho bhasa prayog garnu bhayeko ma.....maile mathi ni suchit gari sakeko chhu hajur. Aaba maile mohani lagayeko ta hoina...tara kahile kahi yesto ni hundo rahecha bhannu parla ni :)

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 8:34 PM

Nas jee, Hajur le malai danga paridinnu bho....yesto mitho mitho prashamsa sunna thalyo bhanne maile dinahhu katha lekhna aafulai badhya tulyauchhu....pacchi mero lekh haru ko badhi le soshan garyo bhanera malai bhanna paydaina hai?

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 10:22 PM

Amby jee, katha matra lekhdai garnu, pare ko ma बेहोर्छु | अनि हामी silent reader haru pani comment lekhdai garaula ne. :)

GoneCrazy · Jul 12, 2014 11:17 PM

I decided to count my blessingd today...... this one will top the list today. Thank you so much for such love and motivations

Ambrosia · Jul 12, 2014 11:21 PM

बास्तवमा एम्ब्रोसिया जीको लेखाइ नै यस्तो छ कि वहाको सब्द सब्दलाई माया नगरी साझाका विद्वान बर्गको त के कुरा हामी जस्तो बेकुफहरु पनि बस्न सक्दैनौ| यो त यसैको सहज नतिजा मात्रै हो| वहाको हरेक कृतिहरुले कता कता हाम्रा आफ्नै भावनाहरु बोकेको हुन्छ| त्यसैले वहाको सब्दलाई माया नगरी बस्न सकिन मित्र|

yotabhayananisom · Jul 13, 2014 9:45 AM

danna parmeshwori....mera sabda haru lai po maya rahechha......:P

Ambrosia · Jul 13, 2014 10:48 AM

aawwww Nas, Baby dear...... I am blessed to be a part of Sajha......now can we stop this mushy mushy talks here ;)

Ambrosia · Jul 14, 2014 9:45 AM

Janna ta kahi lageko chaina....tara dherai mitho kura sunda sunda saraiiiii diabetic hola jasto lagyo tesaile bandh garnuhosh bhaneko bhul bhaye mafi pam!

Ambrosia · Jul 14, 2014 10:21 AM

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Monologue of a Confused Lover

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