Posted by: bittersweet_sympony February 9, 2013
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Hi all. I am 25 and I am having a serious quarter life crisis. My boring story goes on like this.
I am from an average middle class family in Nepal, so since the day I landed in states I had to work my ass of to pay bills for my college and living. I was really good with my studies like you know getting good grades in SLC, plus 2 bullshit. Anyways my transition to states was not as bad as I hear of but not really good either. Most of the time I had to be cautious with my bills and sometimes I had to work extra hard or ask my family for financial support to pay the bills and dues. Hard work bla bla bla I did graduate and got offers. Something told me to go for grad school and I started it. And got a few papers published too. I have no regrets whatsoever.
In the end in retrospection when I look at my personal life it despairs me because at 25 I have very few good friends I can count on. Tonight was the worst when I couldnt even find anybody to drink with. I am a cynic at heart and I tend to have worst first impression. But people who know me from a long time know that despite my acerbic bitterness and hatred towards everything in general, I am a good person at heart like you know somebody you could count on. I know it is not something I should be telling but its true and I got to accept that. With all that existential bullshit, I cant seem to find a stance and position myself and be a person I want to be. I am in a shitty relationship that we both know it is not going to work, and besides that I have no motivation, driving force or an inspiration. All that used to inspire me seems like a total bullshit and despite all that "its a wonderful world" euphemism, I somehow get mad at it. I now have a more difficult time in approaching people to befriend as my self-esteem and self-confidence has gone down the drain. I would rather hide behind my desk. Believe it or not my weight has gone down by some pounds and I am actually scared that I might be heading down the vicious road towards depression.
Now what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening to me, and how to fix this mess? Last week I went to Barnes and Nobles and got two books on self-help but they have been lying at my desk and I can barely go through a couple of page. I already hate them. I have become a freak. Can you imagine my frustration. I am the same person who used to read at least a couple of books when I was in high school. Its been four years and I havent even finished a single book except that book/ poem collection by Bertolt Bretcht. What the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening? Where is my salvation? Am I really a pathetic person?
I am from an average middle class family in Nepal, so since the day I landed in states I had to work my ass of to pay bills for my college and living. I was really good with my studies like you know getting good grades in SLC, plus 2 bullshit. Anyways my transition to states was not as bad as I hear of but not really good either. Most of the time I had to be cautious with my bills and sometimes I had to work extra hard or ask my family for financial support to pay the bills and dues. Hard work bla bla bla I did graduate and got offers. Something told me to go for grad school and I started it. And got a few papers published too. I have no regrets whatsoever.
In the end in retrospection when I look at my personal life it despairs me because at 25 I have very few good friends I can count on. Tonight was the worst when I couldnt even find anybody to drink with. I am a cynic at heart and I tend to have worst first impression. But people who know me from a long time know that despite my acerbic bitterness and hatred towards everything in general, I am a good person at heart like you know somebody you could count on. I know it is not something I should be telling but its true and I got to accept that. With all that existential bullshit, I cant seem to find a stance and position myself and be a person I want to be. I am in a shitty relationship that we both know it is not going to work, and besides that I have no motivation, driving force or an inspiration. All that used to inspire me seems like a total bullshit and despite all that "its a wonderful world" euphemism, I somehow get mad at it. I now have a more difficult time in approaching people to befriend as my self-esteem and self-confidence has gone down the drain. I would rather hide behind my desk. Believe it or not my weight has gone down by some pounds and I am actually scared that I might be heading down the vicious road towards depression.
Now what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening to me, and how to fix this mess? Last week I went to Barnes and Nobles and got two books on self-help but they have been lying at my desk and I can barely go through a couple of page. I already hate them. I have become a freak. Can you imagine my frustration. I am the same person who used to read at least a couple of books when I was in high school. Its been four years and I havent even finished a single book except that book/ poem collection by Bertolt Bretcht. What the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening? Where is my salvation? Am I really a pathetic person?