Posted by: jantare1 December 28, 2011
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yeah...i'm in the healthcare field but i too have limited experience.
what i meant to say is that if you do just one thing to the guy, it most lileky won't work. say, you scold him every single day, or even every single time you see him. you blame him for all the wrongs and his present situation. that'll probably make him more violent. he might think that nobody cares anyways, so there's no bad in worsening the situation that's already bad. on the other hand, if you praise him, speak nice words all the time, he might take advantage of that. say you show care towards him, keep on paying his rent and keep on feeding him without saying anything bad. that'll make him more like a parasite. he'll keep on sucking you.
i think, he needs someone he trusts and can't say "NO" to, generally. could be his mom, dad, lover, best friend, anyone. somebody needs to make him aware of his present situation compared to the past (which hopefully was better), and question him how he wants his future to be. if he doesn't care where he'd end up, i don't think much can be done. but if he wants to get in a better position and is wiling to put his effort, maybe he'll get back on track. more about combination of things (given that he is wiling to work hard): help him with his rent and stuff but give him certain duration to find a job and maybe even help him find a job; show him the good sides of having income. since he's out of school for 2 years, i bet he's out of status and he doesn't want to go back. saying that you will complain to DHS and immigration services if he doesn't start looking for a job might get him moving.
praise him for even small things he does. let's assume that he lies on his bed all day. if he even gets up and goes out for a walk, that's a good start. encourage him into physical activities - take him to gym with you, or play soccer and stuff. and when he does something good, say that it was great, get him going. i don't know what else to say; i don't know the person and his condition. his roommates know him better, they can try these and many more things to get him back in track. but if the guy himself doesn't show any interest and wants lo live on his roommates' expenses, it's better to ask his parents to take responsibility of him or report him to DHS and hope that he gets deported.
i saw another thread come out just a while ago on the same issue. it seems like people come here to the states with much higher expectations and some people like this guy break down when they don't get that. or, they are simply spoiled kids back home trying to get away with their habits here as well.
what i meant to say is that if you do just one thing to the guy, it most lileky won't work. say, you scold him every single day, or even every single time you see him. you blame him for all the wrongs and his present situation. that'll probably make him more violent. he might think that nobody cares anyways, so there's no bad in worsening the situation that's already bad. on the other hand, if you praise him, speak nice words all the time, he might take advantage of that. say you show care towards him, keep on paying his rent and keep on feeding him without saying anything bad. that'll make him more like a parasite. he'll keep on sucking you.
i think, he needs someone he trusts and can't say "NO" to, generally. could be his mom, dad, lover, best friend, anyone. somebody needs to make him aware of his present situation compared to the past (which hopefully was better), and question him how he wants his future to be. if he doesn't care where he'd end up, i don't think much can be done. but if he wants to get in a better position and is wiling to put his effort, maybe he'll get back on track. more about combination of things (given that he is wiling to work hard): help him with his rent and stuff but give him certain duration to find a job and maybe even help him find a job; show him the good sides of having income. since he's out of school for 2 years, i bet he's out of status and he doesn't want to go back. saying that you will complain to DHS and immigration services if he doesn't start looking for a job might get him moving.
praise him for even small things he does. let's assume that he lies on his bed all day. if he even gets up and goes out for a walk, that's a good start. encourage him into physical activities - take him to gym with you, or play soccer and stuff. and when he does something good, say that it was great, get him going. i don't know what else to say; i don't know the person and his condition. his roommates know him better, they can try these and many more things to get him back in track. but if the guy himself doesn't show any interest and wants lo live on his roommates' expenses, it's better to ask his parents to take responsibility of him or report him to DHS and hope that he gets deported.
i saw another thread come out just a while ago on the same issue. it seems like people come here to the states with much higher expectations and some people like this guy break down when they don't get that. or, they are simply spoiled kids back home trying to get away with their habits here as well.