Say "Ram cha"

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee...

On his first day, he dialed the Kitchen and shouted on the Phone:

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly."

The voice from other side responded:

"You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to?"

"Nope", replied trainee.

"It is the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee yelled back: “And, do you know who YOU are talking to, you STUPID?"

"No!" replied Managing Director by angrily.

"Thank God!" the trainee took the long breath and put the phone down...

3 Easy Ways to Die :

Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.

 

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

 

2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..

4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

 

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

 

8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

 

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

 

10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

ALL THE SAME:

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,  you're all the same."

 

thanks for the joke hor. keep coming mah. don't stop ha. hahaha

Ka Gadha:- Yaar mero malik le malai saraii pitcha.

Kha Gadha:- Tyeso bhaye bhagera jaa na.

Ka Gadha:- Bhagera  ta janthe.......tara yahan future saraii bright  cha ...
malik ko chuwaak chori jaba badmash garche taba malik le bhanne gareko cha ,
"Tero bihe gadhe sanga gardinchu...!"

yehi ummeed ma baseko chu ni yo ghar ma natra ta jamana ma US gai sakthe ni........

Moral:
Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly
reduce the pain of Today !!!

The Haircut

   One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies , 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

   When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

   Later , a cop comes in for a haircut , and when he tries to pay his bill ,
the barber again replies , 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
   doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the
shop.

   The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

   Later that day , a college professor comes in for a haircut , and when he
tries to pay his bill , the barber again replies , 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is
very happy and leaves the shop.

   The next morning when the barber opens his shop , there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen different books , such as 'How to Improve Your
   Business' and 'Becoming More Successful'.

   'Then , a Congressman comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies , 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the
shop.

   The next morning when the barber goes to open up , there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

   And that , my friends , illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.

Rabbit Breakout
	Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

Congressman's Money
	A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!" The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

Chicken story

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.


Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.


Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.


Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?


Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.


Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock :

O.K. What kind of competition?


Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.


Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.


Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.


Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.


Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

 

Sardar ji One more time!

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U've 3 children?
Sardar ji replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR.

***

Q:)Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
A:)Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

***

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........ 

***

One Sardar Ji went to participate in olympics. He was laying on the chair, someone asked him,"are U relaxing?"

"No, I'm Milka Singh."

 

One day Lopes is walking home when he notices a huge gorilla standing on the roof of his house.
Not knowing what to do about it he looks in the phone book under GORILLA REMOVALS. Then he calls up Willy's Get Lost Gorilla Service and explains the situation.
Ten minutes later Willy arrives with a banana, a bulldog, a butterfly net, a ladder and a loaded gun.
"Okay," says Willy, "it is quite a simple thing. I am gonna throw the banana at the gorilla, and while he is busy eating it, I am gonna climb up the ladder and push him off the roof.
"Then the bulldog is trained to grab him by the nuts, and when the gorilla holds himself in pain, you throw this butterfly net over him."
"Great!" shouts Lopes, with enthusiasm.
"But what about the gun?"
"Well," explains Willy, "if I miss the gorilla and fall off the roof myself, you shoot the dog!"

Dad: People this is unacceptable.

You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,

I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,

I never use the home phone.

I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem?

We all use our work telephones !!!!!

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Once a sardar was recruited as terrorist, so he went to the enemy camp will bombs fitted in his body.

Then he reached a place with 4 people, he called his commander and asked, "Sir there are 4 people here, should I commit the suicide now." His commander replied in walkie talkie "no wait, go to place with more people."

So he went further deep inside the camp. He reached a place with 10 people.

He again called his commander and asked, "Sir there are 10 people here, should I commit the suicide now."

Again his commander replied, "wait go further deeper." He again went on. Then he reached a place with 20 people, he again called his commander and asked "Sir there are 20 people here, should I commit the suicide now."

Now his commander thought 20 peoples are enough to kill and gave him permission, "yes boy, now is the time, do it and god bless u."

Then the sardar took out his knife and plunged it into his heart.

Once the sardar community held a very serious meeting. They were talking about how to develop Punjab.

Every one were very serious and the leader asked all of them to give their ideas on how to develop their community.

One of the sardar after thinking for a while gave his suggestion.

He said, "let's attack america, and then they will defeat us and conquer us. Then we will become a part of america and we will become as developed as they are."

Everyone praised his wisdom and said it was brilliant idea. But one of the old wise sardar was still thinking about it.

He raised slowly and said, "It is a great idea. But we should not forget about other consequences as well."

Others didn't understand and asked him what he meant by that. He answered "What if we win."

 

Once Laloo Prasad of Bihar, sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation. A few days later he got this reply:-

Dear Mr. Laloo prasad You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said "Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap Ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hoon." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo prasad-----pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance--- -ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

 Another version of the same sardar joke:

Once a sardar was recruited as terrorist, so he left the training camp with bombs fitted in his body to conduct a suicide attack.

Then he reached a place with 4 people, he called his commander and asked, "Sir there are 4 people here, should I commit the suicide now." His commander replied in walkie talkie "no wait, go to place with more people."

So he went further down the road. He reached a place with 10 people.

He again called his commander and asked, "Sir there are 10 people here, should I commit the suicide now."

Again his commander replied, "wait go and find a area with crowd in close proximity ." He again went on. Then he reached a place with a crowd in close proximity, he again called his commander and asked "Sir there is crowd with 20 people here in very close proximity, should I commit the suicide now."

Now his commander thought 20 peoples are enough to kill and gave him permission, "yes boy, now is the time, do it and god bless u."

The sardar  pressed the trigger and there was a loud cry, "Sardarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" on the walkie talkie and receiver at the same time. 

Some funny quotes:

1. I went on diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating. In fourteen days, I lost exactly  two weeks.

2. I've enough money to last me the rest of my life...... unless I buy something.

3. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

4. Everyday I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

5. I'll kill anyone for Nobel peace prize.

 

ईश्वरज्यु - रिस्,राग, द्वेश, इर्श्याको बाहुल्य रहेको हाल् को साझामा यहाँको हास्य रस ले भरिएको यो धागो स्वागत योग्य छ।
कृपया निरन्तरता दिनु होला। धन्यवाद।  

This is the best one

Once the sardar community held a very serious meeting. They were talking about how to develop Punjab.Every one were very serious and the leader asked all of them to give their ideas on how to develop their community.One of the sardar after thinking for a while gave his suggestion.
He said, "let's attack america, and then they will defeat us and conquer us. Then we will become a part of america and we will become as developed as they are."Everyone praised his wisdom and said it was brilliant idea. But one of the old wise sardar was still thinking about it.He raised slowly and said, "It is a great idea. But we should not forget about other consequences as well."Others didn't understand and asked him what he meant by that. He answered "What if we win."