How fiddly it is to hark back to your self "I'm everything! I am! and can't
be anything else. I can't trade who I am because I feel love in my heart. I
know God made me this way because I am part of his special plan and know
with all my heart that he (my love!) would never give me the boot off him.
The twinge of not having him is always fresh. They say, hearts heal and time
passes or soon this will all blow over.....but the storm is coming in full
force and I'm in the eye. Given a day to be with him!
I knew it is a cop out but I would be nervous, not of my love but of where I
get hit on by every crazy on the street I would have to pass through. I
would dress in perfection not one of my usuals that comes in but somewhat
different (may be!). Not that it should be an extraordinary selection of
accessories, lace collars, velvet capes, gowns, bejeweled jackets, handbags
and jewelry to rouse the dreams or something, just cool one where I will be
the Belle of the Ball easily. The high spirits! The cry! The amusement! and
would fancy everything he would do. I would quench the tingly feeling inside
me. How would I treat him? I would hand a glass of shot in the arm. Wouldn't
be drunk , just little sherry(?). I would just need help getting through
special occasions such as this one, a day with the most cherished one. A
mild dinner I would cook for him (he wanted to have me cook for him some
day). He would be my closer than close that day. I would pass on my heart,
tell him the creepy joke I have ever heeded, do the talking till I choke,
make him listen (all that I yearn for to tell all my life). Every little
drip drop wouldn't stop me crying waterfalls because I would know I would
lose him after that day and I would cross my fingers that one day soon I
pray! one day! I would see him yet again. Got to keep my head up and got to
stay strong for the days after that. "Oh my word, yes,"
I would take him around the backyard for little walk. As I would look at
him, memories would fall on my pillow. I guess he just had one of those
glimpse you know where you feel as though you've seen this person a thousand
times, say some of the things were tempting, so shot me. I'm only human! He
has dark hair and dark eyes with that rocker, disturbed, mysterious guy
thing going on and it was sexy if I do say so myself. I would lean on the
arm of his as we would stroll slowly along the fence. I would continue
looking few low, drifting clouds brilliantly orange-bottomed like the sky
above them had taken on the deep blue hue of dusk. Beautiful as it would be,
I would be saddened by the minutes before the night had settled in safely.
My one-day guest would move through the shadows now like ghosts, hardly
there, becoming memory. We would be laughing and joking like nothing then he
would be away from all a sudden.
What if I have on a white dress, and he ran into it with a chocolate
cupcake, would we two guffaw our heart out? What if that would make him took
me in a sudden hug? What if that would tell him to give me a kiss of a life
time, one of those kisses you crave and when you get it, it stays on your
lips for a life time, the kiss you tell your grandchildren and the day I
would once again fall frantically in love with an enthusiast?
"Sun's nearly gone," I would say. The truth. Stepping into the kitchen
with
my love, my look would get caught by the odds-and-ends clock, the night
going to get matured. I would watch the shadows shift from one side of the
ceiling to the other and back again whenever the occasional car drove by the
house. It would be contentful existence, no storms I couldn't handle
thereafter, few upheavals, the memories! Leaning back to him, I would hold
on a moment longer than maybe I should have. The last time I'd embraced a
towered bona fide lad over her. Like the well-bred child he'd always been,
he would wait for her to break away. We would have a great rendezvous. I
would dread leaving him for the night. I would wish he come back to drink up
all his sherry again and berate him for all her other slights and
wrongdoings. Hell, let accusations fly freely even. Let the name 'My Just
Precious' be thrown about, recklessly if need be, but often. He would
vanish! I would try to hide my tiny wobble; shady would be point in time to
come.
My plainest Plan sucks!
