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How fiddly it is to hark back to your self "I'm everything! I am! and can't
be anything else. I can't trade who I am because I feel love in my heart. I
know God made me this way because I am part of his special plan and know
with all my heart that he (my love!) would never give me the boot off him.


The twinge of not having him is always fresh. They say, hearts heal and time
passes or soon this will all blow over.....but the storm is coming in full
force and I'm in the eye. Given a day to be with him!
I knew it is a cop out but I would be nervous, not of my love but of where I
get hit on by every crazy on the street I would have to pass through. I
would dress in perfection not one of my usuals that comes in but somewhat
different (may be!). Not that it should be an extraordinary selection of
accessories, lace collars, velvet capes, gowns, bejeweled jackets, handbags
and jewelry to rouse the dreams or something, just cool one where I will be
the Belle of the Ball easily. The high spirits! The cry! The amusement! and
would fancy everything he would do. I would quench the tingly feeling inside
me. How would I treat him? I would hand a glass of shot in the arm. Wouldn't
be drunk , just little sherry(?). I would just need help getting through
special occasions such as this one, a day with the most cherished one. A
mild dinner I would cook for him (he wanted to have me cook for him some
day). He would be my closer than close that day. I would pass on my heart,
tell him the creepy joke I have ever heeded, do the talking till I choke,
make him listen (all that I yearn for to tell all my life). Every little
drip drop wouldn't stop me crying waterfalls because I would know I would
lose him after that day and I would cross my fingers that one day soon I
pray! one day! I would see him yet again. Got to keep my head up and got to
stay strong for the days after that. "Oh my word, yes,"

I would take him around the backyard for little walk. As I would look at
him, memories would fall on my pillow. I guess he just had one of those
glimpse you know where you feel as though you've seen this person a thousand
times, say some of the things were tempting, so shot me. I'm only human! He
has dark hair and dark eyes with that rocker, disturbed, mysterious guy
thing going on and it was sexy if I do say so myself. I would lean on the
arm of his as we would stroll slowly along the fence. I would continue
looking few low, drifting clouds brilliantly orange-bottomed like the sky
above them had taken on the deep blue hue of dusk. Beautiful as it would be,
I would be saddened by the minutes before the night had settled in safely.
My one-day guest would move through the shadows now like ghosts, hardly
there, becoming memory. We would be laughing and joking like nothing then he
would be away from all a sudden.

What if I have on a white dress, and he ran into it with a chocolate
cupcake, would we two guffaw our heart out? What if that would make him took
me in a sudden hug? What if that would tell him to give me a kiss of a life
time, one of those kisses you crave and when you get it, it stays on your
lips for a life time, the kiss you tell your grandchildren and the day I
would once again fall frantically in love with an enthusiast?

"Sun's nearly gone," I would say. The truth. Stepping into the kitchen
with
my love, my look would get caught by the odds-and-ends clock, the night
going to get matured. I would watch the shadows shift from one side of the
ceiling to the other and back again whenever the occasional car drove by the
house. It would be contentful existence, no storms I couldn't handle
thereafter, few upheavals, the memories! Leaning back to him, I would hold
on a moment longer than maybe I should have. The last time I'd embraced a
towered bona fide lad over her. Like the well-bred child he'd always been,
he would wait for her to break away. We would have a great rendezvous. I
would dread leaving him for the night. I would wish he come back to drink up
all his sherry again and berate him for all her other slights and
wrongdoings. Hell, let accusations fly freely even. Let the name 'My Just
Precious' be thrown about, recklessly if need be, but often. He would
vanish! I would try to hide my tiny wobble; shady would be point in time to
come.

My plainest Plan sucks!

   [ posted by Ashley @ 05:37 AM ] | Viewed: 2084 times [ Feedback]

Save the last dance for me

Another rainy day, so much rain it made everyday seemed so on edge and dismal. Sabrina sat alone on her porch as the eastern wind blew, making her long hair dance around her. All-encompassing her back to a time in her life that she couldn't still to this day forget. Her heart still raced when she thought of him. "How could he not be alive?" she thought but she had lost contact with him over the few years.

Coping in everyday Manhattan life- only after midnight, despite the projections that Lower Manhattan will be bustling, the neighborhood is quieter than the fabled night before Christmas. Sabrina?s first day in the big city upon getting a cushy job! She walked to Times Square in the rainy day and was standing at the corner of 5th Avenue and 48th St looking at half a million people (or more) just as bright-eyed and bit nervous as she was. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. She appeared weak and delicate in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. Someone plucked up his courage and neared her, "Wanna have a drink and little dance at "The View" the rotating restaurant in Times Square" Excuse me!" she uttered and headed her way back as far as she could. Upon getting back to her apartment, she found the same guy living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Poor thing, sighed and let it go. Meeting the same stranger became everyday story. Her idea of a nice guy meant clean-shaven, short hair, a button-down shirt, and denim jeans. This guy was the type of guy she categorized as a "skag"--long unkempt hair, unshaven, dressed in a muscle shirt, odd pair of khaki pants. She wanted to turn her car around and make out of there like a bat out of hell, but she said a prayer, swallowed hard. On second encounter, he introduced himself as Perry and her hatred was all he could get in return.

As Elizabeth Hardwick said "I am alone here in New York, no longer a we." time was flying , life started moving in fast lanes for her. One of those rainy days, her umbrella had a broken spoke, She looked like a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Suddenly she realized "Wait a minute, where is the skag Perry dude? It?s been how many? a month?" She could care less but turned out she saw him the very next morning- no more a skag- short hair, clean shaven and all those "it" factors. Came to find out he was not all that he showed himself to be. He was one of those people that take on the personality of another person or persons with whom he was around. Unwittingly she asked "what happened?" He answered with a stoned heart "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth till the last breathe- I lost my mom and learnt it hard way that life presents us with lesson". Got her thinking for a while.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas, not caring about who just passed by. Sabrina found herself in front of changed-Perry. All he did was smile bluntly and headed to his destination. Quite shocked, she felt bad that night about her being mean to him all those days for he wasn?t what he appeared to be. Somebody was knocking at her door, and to her surprise, Perry stood there, "you left your umbrella outside, I fixed the broken spoke" and before she could thank him, he walked away quietly. Filking a few of her new experiences, the days went by. Consumed by him she stumbled upon more than just an average attraction towards him. She even surprised herself when she took in that she was falling for him blindly. Big city and a loner, she found herself longing to meet him and confer to him. However, like life, everything that is good has a bad to it. Another rainy stormy day, she saw him walking across the lower Manhattan. She did not open up her umbrella, she wanted to share his. "Hey, come close" he comforted her. "Broke your umbrella again?" hesitating, she didn?t answer anything. She asked "It?s a Friday, wanna go to ?The View? little drink and dance?" That night, he treated her perfect. Quietly she sneaked into the girl?s room to flatten her red top against her small waist, glossed her lips and brushed her long, middle-parted, streaked hair before getting to the dance floor. Her arms clasped behind his neck, his behind her waist, leaving no airspace between them. They shuffled side to side, hugging more than dancing (square dancing, dust off the shoulder move and what not), careful not to step on each other's bare feet. The vibe was so strong; they needn?t speak anything before they found the warm depth within them had instantly pulled towards each other. His dark, warm eyes and sweet plaid cap sitting with attitude on his proud head won her heart. The cryptic signals they understood, meaningless to the crowd around them, were deeper to her than the world would ever know. To her the rain always brought great adventure in some form whether real or just in her imagination. Like any romance caught between situations, this one was fragile and probably fleeting. He stole her purity away that night and she found it amazing.

To give it a second step, she decided to talk about it next day. Saturday, Sunday and whole week thereafter passed, she couldn?t get hold of him. Thinking he must be busy straightening up his priorities after the demise of his mom, she waited on him. It was again a rainy Friday when she was walking in the Time Square being bemused if he stopped his destiny because he is scared of what may be attached to love! Did we have just that one night stand? To her dismay, she saw Perry with his hand around a charming blonde stepping towards the dancing room. Carrying the most deceitful lie, she followed them to the hall. They were square dancing, with even and odd dancers rotating separately and in opposite directions; she watched them drooling, and a single tear rolled down her face and there she rested her head for a long silent while....

No matter what she did, he crept into her mind. She tried so hard to get over him and couldn?t. She couldn?t begin to express the love she had for him. They walked together, first as friends, than as kissing partners and finally hurt her feelings more than anyone ever could, after plucking the flower off her out in the rain. She never knew how he could do this to her but he did. She still treasured him but tried to move on under the busy Manhattan sky. She knew he didn't see her tears, because they were washed away by the rain.

Bringing to mind the remorseful past, Sabrina?s face faded into the gray winter light of the sitting room. She said to herself "Dance all your life Perry, Just save the last one for me", Love is not selfish.

Only God knows! Do you have faith? Cupid strikes again, Darn!

~By: Ashley

   [ posted by Ashley @ 07:51 AM ] | Viewed: 1919 times [ Feedback]