संझनाको गोरेटो: अतीतका पुतलीहरू *************************** Butteflies of the past I could almost feel that pungent smell of tori ko tel with dubo being rubbed on my forehead. Those irresistible olfactory stimulating masala, those endearing talks of three sisters going around me, those garlands of godavari and sayapatri around my neck, hustle and bustle of the festival?all seem dreams of the distant past. I took everything for granted then. It only seems like yesterday. The milieu in US is indeed like that of quick sand: the more you stay, the deeper you sink. After almost five years devoid of Bhai Tika, it suddenly struck to me how life has transpired. Every year, I hope for the reunion the next year and it?s the same every year. Distance creates a very subtle rift. Over time those rifts become irreparable gorges. People say family constellation never change, but sometimes I feel so estranged from my family living away I wonder if we'll ever be able enjoy those festive seasons again. *********************** I was very skeptic when I first took my sister with me to the Tri Shakti club to play table tennis with me. Not a single female would escape the derision and teasing of the boys in the neighborhood. But my sister and I were both young, too young to comprehend the complexity of our cultural surroundings. Besides, she was the only competitor I had at the time. Having spent most of my primary school in a hostel, most people really didn't know me. It was slightly disconcerting but there was Pawan Dai to subside my anxiety, who would often join us: Pawan dai-- infamously nicknamed KHALNAYAK, for his long overcoat and shady hairstyle, who visited my home often and knew my parents well. However, I could not be indifferent to the fact that the vulgarity and the jokes that encompassed the boys that I hung out with in the club were in vicinity of my sister. I had often suggested to my sister that she shouldn't accompany me. This was after one of the typical winter afternoon when Debre Hemante and Laloo got into a usual boys' voracious verbal exchange. Suddenly, laloo gasped "j payo tyai nabol, oys ko baini cha yaha" It was a very disconcerting scene but my sister persisted to accompany me despite all the odds. She participated in all the sports I played and we were best friends throughout my childhood. One day while we were enjoying one of the fairly rigrorous games, laloo quipped out of the blues " timi haroo ahile kasto milchau, Pachi ek arka sanga bolne fursad ni hudaina" !! We looked at each other and broke into a boisterous laughter. ******* It was perhaps six in the morning on a Saturday. A very gentle nudge woke me up. I knew it was my sister with her homework as usual. She probably was too afraid to go to my dad. I was her only resort when it came to maths. However, I had very little patience being an educator. Though my younger sister worked the hardest among my siblings, she never got the respect that she deserved. She was relentless in her pursuit nevertheless. It was only a matter of time I lost my cool, "yeti jabo ni garna aaudaina" I poured my wrath of Saturday morning on her. She kept doodling on the unitary method problem. I further lost my patience. "aba drawing banauna la? Drawing class ho yo?" I kept on shouting which even got my Maami?s attention. "Baini lai gali garna thalis pheri?" my mom seemed concerned. This probably was the icing on the cake. Tears flowed like sunkoshi from my sister's cheek. She kept crying and doodling and whether through her insight or the pressure exerted by me, she got the right answer within seconds. "la aaudo raicha ta! Ani kina suhang pari ra ta?" I gave my final vow. She continued crying and finally stood up. "kukur! Aaba kaile ni aaudina talai disturb garna!" Now she was showing attitude. Though I hated being nudged at six on a Saturday, I loved helping her with Maths. But she stood firm with her words. She only came for sporadic editing and checks. And that was that! contd.....