i was going to get my car fixed, but on the back of my mind there is the insurance bill that i have to pay; the movie that i saw had this guy who with his buddy goes for a wine tasting trip through the vinyards of california but i am not in california, why would i be in the rolling hills with grapes and blue berries and the red berries, i notice the semi on my right is dangerously close the tires are now as tall as my shoulder and i cannot but look at them and see the life of mine rolling and rolling; there used to bea serial in NTV, Mahabharat where in the beginning the wheel rotated through the dark space and the voice said: "main samay hun." the tires rotated and rolled so fast that i could not even see it rolling it was contant and yet it was spinning. the wheel of the semi, the wheel of time and i need to get to work in 20 minutes, no i am going to fix my car. i got dumped last night. that's why i went to see the movie alone. we were going to go see the movie together. but that did not work out. that was just a dream. the semi has now moved to the different lane and i feel relieved. when we went to road trips we would pump our fists and the semi-drivers would blow their horn. that was fun. "sideways" is for losers. i am a loser too. i lost her. through no fault of my own. dyam my car is really making too much noise. it is like when you are sleeping and the phone rings and you see the phone ringing faintly in your dream too...then the ringing becomes louder and louder and you wish somebody would pick the darn phone and the fu*cking phone would just stop ringing but it is ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing and it is so loud, so LOUD...and you jerk yourself up...Miles is a loser. he is a writer too. My advise: never go see a loser movie when you have just been dumped. that sucks. you start out laughing at the loser's bad luck and you laugh at Miles because he does never score and he cannot even fu*ck a women who she presenting herself and you laugh at him and you laugh at Miles and suddenly it hits you. You are Miles. You are the loser. and this sh*t is not dream. it is just the reality that you did not want to dream. when you were a child you dream of peeing and the sheets felt warm and then cold. that is what a real movie and the a real dream is like. like miles who wrote a 750 page novel, which was never going to be published and who can drink all the wine in the world and not get drunk. Miles friend scores a chinese-american woman.she is played by Sandra Oh. she is great in the movie. dyam, i like this song in the radio- yeah, if you love somebody set them free... but i like other police songs too. "how fragile we are" that is what we are... we are fragile. but Miles got the message and knocked on the door. there is a slight chance that he will find the love of his life. if only my car would stop making this noise. how to describe it? the mechanic will surely ask. it's like you know the fan that is too near, it whirrs and it moans and it is constant like the phone ringing in a dream. i don't think he will understand what the phone ringing is but he will figure out. maybe he never have had a dream like that but maybe has. i will have to ask. but Mea, she does not love me. i am sure of that now. set them free. set them free. the rolling wheel of the semi and the pumping of the fist to make the horn blow and the psychiarist who said i had control over my mind during the day and even on my dreams. but how can i stop the phone ringing. and how am i going to pay for the insurance. how the fu8ck am i going to pay for the mechanic. i am glad i have warranty. but i do not know if i have it. which car was it that i had extended warranty on? was mea wearing the lace gown that i had bought for her. i am a dumbasz you know. i should have just not open my mouth. i tell my lies to women and they hate me. i lie to women and they love me. i tell the truth and they hate me for my past lies. but the present problem is clear. what is clear? set them free...how fragile we are...now its the Dont stand so close to me. where did i get this CD from? i think sujan burnt it for me. see that was one guy that was a great friend. and we liked same music. except heavy metal crap. zeppelin were gods but megadeath were no gods. the woman on that silver mini-van is eating a dougnnut. dyam, americans are slobs. they are too... i feel bad that i feel that way but they are they are they are they are ... mea was american too... she was not a slop, she was pretty nice by the way, she had this green and voilet tatto of the last supper carved on her torso, from the waist right below her breast...dyam those breasts. but i loved her tattoo, she was my jesus, my last supper, my buddha! you talk too much. that has always been your problem. but f*ck man khutta bhaye jutta kati kati. she was something else. i need to focus. focus. focus. focus. drum beat! focus focus focus focus. dyam you fu*king nearly killed yourself there dude. don't dream and drive. --- mG.