Posted by: SimpleGal September 30, 2004
Getting married...
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DC Girl -- I hear you. It's tough to find a compatible partner, regardless of his/her race/ethnicity etc. Romanticated, I agree with you -- love is a matter of chance. I am speaking from a neutral position and here are my thoughts on this issue. Recently, I spoke with a friend's mother, a Bengali lady. She mentioned that unlike in the past, both boys and girls these days have become very selective in choosing their future partner. Something or the other is always lacking to either party, which, contrary to yesteryears, becomes highly unforgivable for each party. Whereas marriages were strictly arranged in the previous generation, and the boy and girl barely saw each other and gave their consent (mostly boys gave their consent, girls had to relent), today they have, for the most part, a CHOICE in what they want. There are many factors involved in this ability to choose. Education (greater access for girls compared to previous generation) empowers people with more expanded views on the world and therefore the desire and capability to take their own decisions. Financial independence in an increasing number of cases for both girls and boys as a result of greater access to education is another possible reason. Yet another reason is globalization and the attractiveness and pervasiveness of the so-called "modern" and "western" lifestyle where being able to choose one's own partner is a sign of "independence" (whatever that may be). So, most of us who fall in this category are often caught up in this dilemma of choosing the RIGHT person. The question then is: How much are YOU willing to compromise in your ideals versus the reality that exists out there? For example, girls here complain that Nepali guys are too short, too arrogant, too cheap, etc. Boys also have their plethora of complaints: Nepali girls are too short, too shy, too arrogant, etc. What is the root of these complaints? One possible reason is our tendency, esp for those of us in the US, to compare the opposite sex with the characteristics of "Americans" (whatever that may be). We are socialized into extolling the so-called virtues of "Americans." We are mesmerized by them. We seek them in our potential partner. We don't find them all (as we naively expect) and become disappointed and forget to appreciate the true virtues of Nepali men and women. For those of us living in Nepal, something similar holds true. We are so bombarded by various media (eg. the various models whose pictures are often splashed on sajha threads), through our own interactions with friends/relatives abroad, and so forth, that the notion of CHOICE as a sign of "freedom" and "independence" appeal to us and we crave for it. The onus is on US to choose whether we want to be swayed by these forces or whether we are willing to accept and appreciate the reality about Nepali men and women. I do not mean to say that the "reality" of Nepali men and women is that they are arrogant, shy, rude, etc. Those are human traits and independent of ethnicity or race. By reality I mean that there are certain differences and we should stop bickering about them and rather accept them for all that they are worth. But of course, if a non-Nepali is more your cup of tea, then so be it. The important thing is NOT to opt for one at the expense and ridicule of a fellow Nepali man or woman. In peace.
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