I'm logging back with a throw-away account after 3 or 4 years, when Sajha was once a vibrant community.

Reading through your story, I feel your thoughts lack coherence. Yet I dare to offer some semblance of meaning to your words. I cannot say I understand because I cannot relate to it.  This depression simulator might be able to help you more about your situation: beesgo.biz/dq/DQfinal.html

I started exploring various research on depression when one of my maiju was stuck with it- a serious kind. It was very difficult for family members to understand how it manifested into her life. You don't always have an obvious reason, doctors said.

I would also ask you to read Dr Gabor Mate's books which may offer you more insights. This interview might be particularly interesting:
drgabormate.com/in-treating-depression-drugs-are-not-enough/

And if you do have depression, what you need is genuine support. Specially, friends who have understood that there is no way for him/her to understand your situation and yet, they are available when you need them.  Friends and family members who don't feel your disease will creep into your their lives. Friends who just don't dismiss your situation by saying "'Comon man, be positive and cheer up".

My maiju is off her medication now. She is rocking. 

Nepali Akash