come to work, worried if I will have enough work, if not what will happen if they decide to let me go..Still got to make my car payments, have already committed upon my masters. But with this uncertainty I don’t know anymore if its worth spending all my paycheck on it or should I have just saved the money. Feel like I do not belong here. Its been 12 years I been here and still I am not able to adjust. Went back home 2 years ago and for a month I felt like there is where I belonged…even after I went back after such a long time..i was so comfortable and so happy..i did not want to think about going back to states..to be with my family..with my school frens.. who actually care it was just so amazing..maybe its because I was there on a vacation and was all fun all the time I don’t know but I was just soo happy….its not like I don’t go vacations here. Here vacations are even more beautiful, going to beaches, staying on a resort but its not the same..aafno desh aafno manche aafno culture bhaneko aarkai hudo rahecha..bholi parsi bhanda bhanda its been more than a decade. I am making more money that I could ever make in Nepal but what is the point? Life just feels so empty and fake..I know people say I am young and I should be ambitious..yo bela nai ho kaam garney etc etc..you are too young to think that way etc etc..but why do I have to waste the ONE LIFE I have here away from happiness. What about my parents. They sacrificed so much for me. Yeah of course they say they want better life for ourselves, but is staying overseas, away from them, does this make them happy?

 

Had a fren who went back even without a degree and now he owns two business drives a better car than what I drive here. But how do I know if I can attain the same success. But kaile kai ta [Disallowed String for - bad word] this sh!t jasto lagcha. I am from a well established family. Have my own home in Kathmandu and 2 other home we can do rentals completely. But then whats the point of all my studying. Atleast I have got to make some earning before I go back right? Also I cant imagine myself living over the rent and doing nothing. If I go back, will I be able to find job. Pani chaina batti chaina we all know that but day by day I am starting to feel like even then I do not care. I want to be my own home with my own people. But I am very very scared I may regret it because I am on a career path but at the same time I just feel like [Disallowed String for - bad word] it sometimes. Khai k eke. Its Friday so just wanted to vent it out.