Gone with the Wind

            We were inseparable; as far as I remember from the time we came to US; we boarded the same plane with garlands of flowers around our neck and tika on our forehead.  Over time we ended up in two different states pursuing different degrees and careers. She is currently working for Goldman Sachs as a consultant while I am working as a senior developer for a startup company in Palo Alto. We had our share of struggle and of ups and down that we had endured together. Time flies so fast, and it still feels like yesterday we boarded plane from TIA. But is has been seven years now. Nothing is perfect in life; there are always tradeoffs and compromise. Transitioning from a third world country Nepal to so self proclaimed democracy U.S. had its share of these compromises. Was it worth it? I am not in a position to answer that question.

The transition had many facets for me from everything including status, outlook on relationship, religious view and spirituality. While we were busy building our career and status on this land, it was taking toll on our other aspects of our life. In these seven years, neither of us had been able to visit our motherland. Some part of the inability was due to fact, how life is trapped once you enter here and hundreds of things that you must consider. And maybe some part of the inability may also have been inflicted by lack of love for the motherland and things we saw back home where nothing seemed to work.

                I am still single but my brother who is three years younger than me has got married. It was very unfortunate for me that I could not attend his wedding. I am sure he hasn’t forgiven me for that. But what choice did I have? I was laid off during that time and it was very stressful for me.  She also had similar experience. Her dad passed away while she was still at university but she was unable to attend his funeral. I did offer her to buy her ticket, but she declined citing other issues she was dealing with during that time which she truly regrets.

                I really don’t know exactly where things went wrong between us. Even though we were in same country, it was still a long distance relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I know long distance relationship can work too, but if you look at the probability and success rate the story told is usually otherwise.

                We did everything in our power to keep it alive. Every year each one of us made trip to the other side of the country. Every year except this year, when I did not travel to New York and she did not either to Bay area.

                I wish she never met that guy in Thakali restaurant that her mum wanted her to meet. I was so angry with her that time that she had to do that for the sake of her mum as she was being coerced. But again, I regret I went to that strip club during the Vegas trip with my friends which they had planned for long time. I wish she understood that I not wishing her birthday was not end of the world. I was so preoccupied with so many things that even though I remembered it two days earlier, when it came time I failed miserably. I tried my best asking for forgiveness but she never accepted it. I wish she never agreed to that lame music video by some Nepali rapper. I knew she was way better than that. I still have no idea why she agreed to do it. Things just went downhill from there. Sometimes, I wish I had shown more love towards here. At times I was very frugal with my own words and it did not truly reflect my sentiments. I wish I gave her straight answer when she once asked me when you are going to marry me when I was still sorting out other things in life. I was still waiting for perfect time when I would surprise her on my knees with the ring and I did not have definitive answer. But that day never came and she is gone with the wind.

                After seven years in US, now I am waiting to board my plane back to Nepal. I am at San Francisco International airport waiting. Who in the world would have thought, I will be going to Nepal for arrange marriage, which I was against all my life. I know I don’t have enough energy in me to go around chasing girls anymore. I know I will be tied to one of the girls that my relatives will put forward. I have resigned my fate to it.  I follow the announcement and board the plane. I buckle up seat belt and I check my facebook one last time before I delete her from my contacts and attempt even from my memories. I close my eyes, and remember all those sweet memories one last time.

                Slowly, I open my eyes and I am greeted by a beautiful stranger. No, she is not air hostess. And she takes a sit next to me. I was just about to open my mouth, and she asks me “Nepali ho?”

Note: work of fiction, any resemblance to reality is mere coincidence.