What you chose was probably not the best solution, but what's done can't be undone. Rest in peace brother. I remember, every time I go home, my mom never comes to drop me off at the airport on my way back because she just can't help herself from crying. My heart reaches out to your mom. I pray that your family, especially your mom, may have strength to overcome this grieveous tragedy. 

Bittertruth: Be proud, you've been successful to scream, "Your son was a pathetic loser!" at his parents' faces.