Paddy the Irish Scouser is appearing on who wants to be a millionaire Chris Tarrant: "Paddy you've done very well so far -ý64,000 and 1 life left - phone a friend, the next question will give you ý125,000 if you get it right but if you get it wrong you will be out of the game and drop to ý32,000 - are you ready?" Paddy : "For sure Chris I am"Chris : " On the screen is a photo of a current Liverpool player as a baby - which Liverpool player player is it - now ? Think about this carefully Paddy its worth ý125,000 only 3 questions away from the million" Paddy : " I think I know who it is ........er....but I'm not sure, no I'm sure its Fowler , I'm sure its Fowler (pause) can I phone a friend Chris just to be sure ?" Chris: "Yes Paddy who do you want to phone ?" Paddy : "I'll phone Murphy" (ringing) Murphy : "Hello" Chris : "Hello Murphy its Chris Tarrant here from who wants to be a millionaire - I have Paddy O'Reilly here and he is doing really well on ý64,000 but needs your help to get to ý125,000 - Murphy are you next to the fax machine as this is a visual question I'm faxing you a photo now have you received it ?" Murphy : "Yes" Chris: " The next voice you hear will be Paddys - he'll explain the question and you have 30 seconds to answer - fire away Paddy" Paddy : " Murphy that photo is a baby photo of what current Liverpool player - I'm sure its Robbie Fowler what do you think ?" Murphy : "Its never Fowler its obviously McManaman" Paddy : "You tink ? Murphy : "I'm sure " Paddy : " Thanks Murphy "(hangs up) Chris : "Well a difference of opinion - do you want to stick on ý64,000 or play on for ý125,000 Paddy" Paddy : "I want to play, I am so sure its Fowler I am going to go with me first answer - Fowler" Chris : "Is that your final answer" Paddy : "It is" Chris : "Are you confident" Paddy : "Yes fairly" Chris : "Paddy .....you had ý64,000 and you said Fowler - if its right you win ý125,000 if its wrong you go away with ý32,000 - Paddy (drumroll) ..................................... It was wrong - sorry Paddy. Here is your cheque for ý32,000 you have been a great contestant and a real gambler, audience please put your hands together for Paddy" (clapping ..................) Paddy : "Before I go Chris - what was the correct answer its killing me" Chris : "It was PAUL INCE" Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rotweiller. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dogs collar and twists it , breaking the dogs neck and killing it. While this is going on a Sun reporter is watching. He gets out his notepad and pen and rushes over. He starts writing "Manchester City fan save friends life". The boy interrupts, "I'm not a City fan" he says. The reporter crosses out City and writes "United". "I'm not a United fan either" says the boy. The reporter turns and asks "Well who do you support?" Liverpool" the boy replies. The reporter sighs heavily rips out the page and starts writing "Scouse bastard kills family pet..." David James is so sad after his latest blunder he decides to end it all, so he walks out of Anfield and throws himself down in front of a number 57 bus. Luckily, it passes under him. One day, Paul Ince is being chauffeured home in Cheshire, when his driver swerves to avoid a pot hole and hits a strange looking beast on the side of the road, killing it instantly. On inspection of the creature, neither the driver nor Ince knew what the animal was but it was wearing a collar. All the collar read was "THE TWAT", with an owners address. When they arrive at their destination, Ince suggests to the driver that he should go back to the farm house and apologise for the accident and offer to pay for the damages. Three hours later, the driver returns, with all his clothes torn, holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a Cuban cigar in the other, and swaying left to right as he walked. Ince asks the driver "What happened?" "Well, the farmer gave me this bottle, his wife gave me this cigar, and his beautiful 19 year old daughter made passionate love to me!" "Bloody hell - what did you tell them?" "I said, Hi, I'm Paul Ince's driver and I just killed the twat!" What is the difference between Paul Ince and an Airfix model kit without a tube of glue. One is a Gluless Kit..... A bloke rings up the speaking clock and gets the following message. "If you are a police officer or a member of the armed forces then the time is 14:10. If you are an ordinary member of the public it's ten past two in the afternoon, and if you're a Liverpool fan it's Wednesday". Q. What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a coconut (part one)? A. You can get a drink out of a coconut! Q. What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a coconut (part two)? A. One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit. Have you heard the one about the Liverpool fan who fell out of the window ironing her curtains? Q. What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a broken clock? A. Even a broken clock is right twice a day