Guys,

I have been reflecting on your words and trying to make some sense about how I feel.

I think this is the problem: I feel that in the process of adapting to make life work in the United States, I got "stretched out of shape" if that makes any sense.

To make life work in the United States, we have to do this and that and a little bit more of that other thing and so on and so forth. And in the process of adapting and listening to the culture around you and your professional friends, and the TV and the movies, and the magazines, etc, etc and driving yourself on forward, at a certain point you realize that you are everything to everybody...but nothing to yourself.

Externally, I have everything that "American culture" tells me that I should have. But internally, I don't have myself. I'm not Christian, but I heard a quote from Jesus Christ that goes, "What gaineth a Man if he gaineth the whole world, if he loses his soul in the process."

So I feel that in the process of adapting to life in the United States according to how I thought I should be living ideally, I was ignoring some of my more basic needs inside me.

Have you seen one of these trees on the side of the mountain, that are stretching out so far, that their roots are coming undone under it? In that analogy, I am the tree. And the family I am from, my country, the culture and people I identify with, are the ground that the tree is on. And America is the air and sun (economic opportunity) that the tree is reaching out towards. So I feel that in the process of making the life adjustments to take advantage of the air and the sun, my mis-positioned tree was coming undone at the roots. I was feeling lost.

One of the difficulties for me has been that I live in a small town in the States. There are Nepalese here, and I do go to the festivities. But I don't really "bond" and click with them like I do with some of my family members or friends in Nepal. I am not saying that I am superior or they are inferior or viceversa. There are many varieties of Nepalese and I am just different and they are different.

Anyway, I am visiting family members living in the States right now, and feel that I am seeing things a lot more clearer and I am understanding my own needs better. I really appreciate you guys for your advice. It helped me to put a lot of things in perspective in my time of need. Thanks!