@Meera: Thank you.

@Uranus: Would you expand on what you mean by esoteric?

Actually my target audience is to a fictional magazine that I am sending this story to. I am just posting on sajha to see what kind of initial feedback that I would get.

I know the story needs polishing and a little more work. I agree with your comment on flow and sentence structure. I myself am not fully satisfied. That definitely could use some work. I got across what I wanted to say, but not with the ease that I wanted to say it.
In many ways, that is what is so nice about sajha. There are many kind people on sajha who give wonderful constructive criticism. Thanks.

@sna: pussilanimity bhaneko cowardice ho. I don't think it has anything to do with Sarah Palin ...but that probably depends on your political stance.