I have my story to tell u guys, I need help.

My mother wanted me to be aborted but coz she was 5 mths pregnant n had 3 children she cld not. If she did abort she might have lost her life. all thru the years I have struggled to get her love or affection. when we fought she alwys told me tht it wld have been easier if she wld have aborted me .I always thought it was out of anger but when i think of it she  meant it. I know coz when I was sick she wld never be around me.My dad or sister wld come feed me but never my mom. she has never to this day bought me anything, but she wld take my sisters shopping but never me or buy me anything not even as a kid. I used to be by myself all the time. alone and sad. I used to cry at night askin myself why was I the chosen 1. It seemed she never cared. Now, I am in U S and i recently visited home in this summer actually.She wasn't too thrilled. It was my birthday and she forgot. she asked me why was i in the pooja room and I has tell her . But few weeks later it was my sister's birthday n she came wished n did puja for her. i was completely shattered.I felt she never wanted me.these kind of incicdents keep happening. But it is so obvious tht i can feel it.She has never to this day held my hand or has made me feel like she ever loved me or loves. I have had days when I wld be sick n would tell her n she wld completely ignore me. I am the youngest. aren't  youngest supposed to be pampered??? Now i have been so distant from her tht i don't feel like talkin to her. She never calls me to say how i am unless she wants money tht wld be once a month. Am i wrong here ??? I just don't know... Plz help