Hi Electic,

Nice Story.. I have read this a way long back. I saw this thread once again, and was trying convey my view on your story

But I would say, I was little disappointed by the how story ends or so should I say i was disappointed by the flow of the story.

What i noticed that at the beginning you describe each small event very carefully. Till third part, things are so carefully described that you can feel that you were also physically present on the scene. At that time I thought you are trying to bring so many incident and sub-incident in the story. But all of expectations fell flat, as u just finished that story in next episode, it seems like that you are in some haste or so


I am not English Major or Nepali Major. My critique is skill is not so good, but hope that you will understand what i am trying to convey.

Plz take it as constructive criticism.