Kailo,

Your life has been worse than mine?

Honestly guys, it has been so difficult for me. What has been most difficult is my identity crisis. I came at a young age to America. My parents left me in America and went back to Nepal to their high status lives.  I adapted in America. But I almost adapted too well, because I completely lost myself in this culture. I only saw myself through American eyes. There were no Nepalese around me. So through my teenage years I grew up only around Americans.

I don't know if this makes sense but I forgot that I was a Nepali. I was a Nepali in name only. But I thought like an American. And now I feel so much confusion trying to find myself. I cannot talk to people from Nepal because they have a pre-conceived idea of me because of my education. And I don't care to tell my story to Westerners because I identify myself as a Nepali. It is a paradox.

You might ask, "Why is it so important for you to tell your story?" And the answer is that I want to see my story through Nepali eyes. I feel that this will allow me to identify myself as a Nepali again. Maybe you don't understand what I am saying.

Phatte, you are right. Life is already hard. But having a torn identity and not knowing how to see yourself is such a chaotic experience. And I have had such a difficult time with this.

In this world people feel that exposing your children to all kinds of foreign environments is good. But I am a case of having over-exposure to too many foreign environments to the point that I got lost and confused. Now I am trying to see myself through Nepali eyes. But it is so difficult because in many ways I don't know how to tell my story to Nepali people. It has been so many years that I have actively associated with Nepali people that I almost don't know how to tell my story so that Nepali people understand. But I feel that I need to do this to regain my Nepali identity. 

I cannot depend on my relatives to do this. Unfortunately because I came to the States when I was young I am not in touch with Nepali friends from school. That is why I came to sajha.com.

Do you have any suggestions?