We are not all equal in this world. If my mother nation was rich enough to feed me, I would not be torn between my heart and my livelihood. I would not be trying to pacify myself living in the United States, trying to assure myself that it is the same as staying in Nepal. It is not the same. It will never be the same.

When I walk around in the streets in Kathmandu, I come alive. I can't explain it to you. I know that I come alive. When I walk around Hanuman Dhoka area, I am part of that environment. It is a part of me. Nepal is like my battery. When I am in that environment, I know exactly how to act. The surrounding tells me what to do. I simply obey. I cannot explain this. But some of you guys know what I'm talking about.

There is no place in the United States that I can go...and the physical location turns me alive like that. In Nepal I know immediately how to act and what is expected from me. I don't need to think. I don't need to ask myself: "What is the proper thing to do here." In Nepal, I know. I just let myself go and can be myself with people that I enjoy being with. People whom I understand and who understand me.

It is not only just the people. For me, Dillibazaar has a certain feel. When I am in Dillibazaar it is like meeting an old friend. When I am in Naxal at the Bhagvatisthan temple, it is like meeting a different friend. When I am in Lagankhel it is like meeting yet a different friend. My heart knows these friends intimately. I only need to take my heart there, and my heart smiles recognizing all these different friends.

Even though at this point I have been in America for a number of years, my heart does not feel the same level of intimacy with any one place in the US. Why is that?