Hey POD, thanx for resurrecting this "humor" section. Quite dead, huh! I agree ...........

Dan, that "breasts" thing was very creative and hilarious !!!

Here's my contribution ................ ENJOY !!!

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Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.

"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime." "Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."

*************

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:

"I think everyone's asleep, lets go"

"This one's empty ... no-ones looking... you go in first"

"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"

Sniff sniff.

"Ah perfume - you think of everything"

"This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voiceýý.

"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!"

********

Veeru and Basanti arrive at the hotel for their honeymoon. Basanti tells Veeru, "Honey, I know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"

"I will dear, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing we'll call the prisoner, so we will put the prisoner in the prison."

And they throw the first one. Veeru is laying face up on the bed, but Basanti was delighted and tells Veeru, "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!"

Veeru, who is not very delighted tells her, "Ok, let's put him into the prison another time!"

After the second, Basanti is very happy and she tells him, "The prisoner is out again!"

Veeru rises and they throw the third!

He is on the bed, exhausted and Basanti says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!"

And he answers, "HEY! It's not life imprisonment!!"

******

Veeru leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about ten-fifteen minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering and swearing very softly.

The bartender approaches him and asks what the problem is.

"Oh some son-of-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head."

"Ouch! What happened?"

"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"

"Yeah, then what?"

"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you???"

********

Veeru was approached by Vijay at lunch who invited him out for few beers after work.

Veeru said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.

Vijay suggested a way to overcome that problem, "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."

Veeru agreed and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he snuck into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife, Basanti, sitting on the toilet.

"How did you get in here so fast?" he asked.

"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "Mom's visiting and you'll wake her up!"

***********

Veeru and Basanti have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn't care. She's busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of red roses...the expensive ones...from Santa.

She says to the delivery guy with disgust, "Oh Shit!"

The delivery guy says, "What's a matter lady? You don't like roses?"

Basanti replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means?"

He says, "No, Lady, what does this mean?"

Basanti answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air."

He replies, "Don't you have a vase?"

***********

Veeru spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.

"Carmen," she replied.

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself,ý she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes.

"So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."

**********

Cheeerrrsssssss .......................... BTW, Keep them "cumming" folks !!!