DO not lose hope ..i kno wht u mean..i kno u r strong..i m so proud of u tht u said u have a strong heart..jus move on with tht spirit..there is nth u cant achieve..i feel ur pain..i kno its hard to live without mom.but jus realize c is dere sumwhere seeing u and being proud of u for the commitment u have made and the hard work u have done  to sustain this crazy world..God bless u..all the best!!!