The original poster wrote

" have been going to school for more than 20 yrs and I still feel that emptiness especially when I see gores who are in my age group (34-36) knows a lot and makes me feel inferior."

May be your are suffering from the so called " imposter syndrome", like a lot of graduate students and people in academics. Though highly accomplished in their respective field, people with this syndrome feel that their success and achievements are just a matter of luck or timing. I am not an expert in this but I know a lot of smart (really smart  and talented rather) young scientists and professors who are suffering from this syndrom to some extent. I guess there is nothing wrong about it. You can google it to know more about it.

http://www.counseling.caltech.edu/articles/The%20Imposter%20Syndrome.htm