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First of all thank you very much (millions of times) for replying on this thread. I really really appreciate all of yours valuable suggestions.
One thing I really want to share is that I think in a different than any other people. Its not like I m a intellectual person instead I am a person with some kind of disorder..(not psycho though). But I must admit that fact that I do have some kind of personality disorder….and I am explaining why???
First question to you, what comes in your mind when you see any condolence on a paper? What I think is what if that kind of bad thing happen with my family and for that I remember god for infinite times….pray infinite times and say “plz god save”..what u called it???
Second thing, once in a while I feel that whatever happening around me, I feel that it had already happened before and its repeating again..(Obviously Dejavu)…
I always fantasize about the things that would never ever happen in my life..Sometimes I think winning the f2 season, or being the best player in football( I had never played football in my life) or some kind of weird things..
Its not like I m thinking ,,its just pop ups in my mind.. suddenly, somewhere, somehow I don’t know why??? Just like that aafulai marne kura,,,its just pups up in my mind for one moment..
I still remember,, I was driving a car and I passed an eighteen wheller..Suddenly, putting the car on the wheels of truck came into my mind…I would have done that but when I saw my friend sleeping on the passenger seat, I though he might get hurt and therefore I should leave it for now and try it later on…I am not planning to aafulai marne , its just comes into my mind….just for the moment…Similarly, I thought to drink bleach ( gallon of bleach) at my work place, but someone came or something happen and that moment went..
If this kind of situation looks like filmy to you then I would ask you one question.. Why its only me who think like that way for a moment…do u think the same way I do? I don’t think so….and now by reading interenet mostly,, I reached the conclusion that I am having some kind of personality disorder….
The worst part, because of all of this I don’t trust my self any more.. may be I can control myself for 23 hour 59 minute and 59 seconds but that one moment would change my life ..that’s my greatest fear……and one more thing I m getting married..and it kills me that what if I would done something wrong in the future ? it would destroy someones life……if you say don’t worry u will be alright once u get married that would not be the solution as I m having this kind of fellings for 2-3 years….
I don’t know guys, just don’t know what to do next?