Microsoft

“I named the company after my penis.”

~ Bill Gates on Microsoft

“..more bugs than a Chinese restaurant.”

~ Captain Obvious on Windows Vista

“Even the bugs have bugs!”

~ Captain Obvious on Windows Vista

“Windows are see through?”

~ MicroJesus on Windows Vista

“ASL?”

~ Bill Gates on Microsoft

“If you play the Windows Vista CD backwards, it plays a satanic message.”

~ Satan

“It plays a satanic message? That's nothing! If you play it forwards it installs Windows.”

~ Steve Jobs

“That's hot. It travels at my brain speed”

~ Paris Hilton on microsoft

Micro$$$oft, also known as Micro-The-Fu  cking-Best
BITCHES, and formerly known as My-Crow-Soft, inspired by disciplined
structure of a old crow's nest, is a former world domination axed
company that now produces nerve cell destroying software. According to
Andy Braiterman (Bill Gates' college roommate), Microsoft is "An
obvious copy of Macrohard, which Bill Gates stole the disk of while I
was sleeping. He also copied my program Doors, and renamed it Windows."
The destruction first targets the occipital lobe part of the
brain, causing you to not see the various crashes and bugs in the
system and only see a fake view of a effective computer.

Business models

Prediction

Nostradamus predicted that Windows will appear.^[1] Here is the prediction:

“I see bugs, many bugs, A LOT OF BUGS, CAN'T LOOK ANY MORE!!!”

~ Nostradamus

This was the last prediction of Nostradamus. After seeing all
the bugs in Windows, Nostradamus suffered total brain injury and
crashed.

Errors

Errors have evolved over the years and are appreciated by many critics.

As you see in the following error, Windows has no
intelligence at all. So don't bother to ask why it's trying to erase
your hard drive.

Windows has lost its mind.

Windows knows that its applications damage the computer, so it closes them.

Windows is eager to help you report problems and find solutions to the problems.

The reason "some reason" is in fact the real reason for which the printing failed.

Just for the sake of consistency.

Finally,the system is working!

Windows is trying to tell you that you entered Microsoft Help. So do not explain why it is letting you get a Mac.