A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The
doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to
stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast
cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came
here in the first place."
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a
desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking
camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant
leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".
The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men
have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right
with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it
any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.
The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the
camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant,
"Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into
town."
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with
the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is
to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister,
please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the
Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the
White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question
for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back
to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior
Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but
nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin
Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and
exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin
Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"