? 
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started...
************************************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.'
So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
***********************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started...
***********************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah well, I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one are you?'And then the fight started...
........................................................................................................................
..