contd.........................

the mind. Imagine a Madheshi child being raised outside of Madhesh/ Terai community
amidst the Pahadis, and who grow up being name called, laughed at and projected as
inferior than the Pahadi counterparts.
Good self esteem comes from being treated positively and getting positive reinforcements
not only by significant others but also by the society they counteract with. Consequently,
there are Madheshis who do not allow the negative reinforcements from the society affect
their lives, there are others who would turn hostile towards their counterparts and call
tooth for a tooth. There are still others who use "denial" (completely rejecting the thought
or feeling- I am not angry with them, or they don’t put me down!) and "reaction
formation" (turning the feeling into opposite- I think they are really great!) as their
defense mechanisms and try to change themselves ‘outwardly’ to gain acceptance in that
community that looks down upon them. They shape themselves through the desire of
others, to be ‘seen’ in the society they live in- though the self-styled image is only a fraud
or an emotional wound to hide from their own eyes.
This later category of Madheshis living in the Pahadi community seem to be in a real
‘identity crisis’ in an attempt to ‘become’ or ‘look’ Pahadis themselves. They consciously
and deliberately let go (and even ‘forget’) their language, culture, tradition and roots in
order to gain acceptance by the Pahadis and/or to be superior to the "orthodox"
Madheshis! I understand, who would want to be called a ‘Madise’ or ‘Marsya’ which are
pejorative connotations for Madheshi, ‘like Nigger (offensive name for a black person),
Kike (offensive term for a Jew) or Faggot (offensive term for an openly homosexual
man)? But however cosmetic changes one would bring about outwardly, it would only
remain a piece of paper pasted over a gaping hole. Racism is not a biological, but a
sociological problem which cannot be solved by doing ‘cut’ and ‘paste’ by those
discriminated, but has to be ‘deleted’ by those who discriminate.
Forgetting ones identity need not necessarily command esteem; there are many
Madheshis who have earned a lot of name, fame, respect and esteem within and even
outside the Madheshi community in spite of remaining closely bound to their roots and
land; in spite of speaking their own Madheshi language; following their own rituals and
culture; and in spite of proclaiming that they are proud Madheshis.
I have seen Madheshis turned Newars/ Paharis of Kathmandu who find arranging
matrimony for their children a distasteful task, because they are either of both are neither
of one- accepted by both yet unaccepted by any. However generally, the ‘genuine’
Madheshis take over the preference when it comes to matrimony, because they would not
want to be name-called, all over again! Inter-caste marriage is still unacceptable in Nepal,
and when it comes to the Pahadi- Madheshi matrimonies, it still is big news. However,
love is blind, and Pahadi-Madheshi matrimonies do take place, because ‘Kale’ Hain to
kya hua Dilwale Hain!
In a country so obsessed with characterizing what it means to be a genuine Nepali,
Madheshis who endured the insanity of the Hritik Roshan episode knows what it means
to be a ‘lesser’ Nepali; or those who face hassles getting citizenship certificates knows
what it means to be born in Terai Nepal; and those who change their surname, their
language and their attire, their culture and tradition… knows what it means not fitting
into the concept of the so-called "Nepalipan". However, Madheshis cannot go about
living under a veil by letting their rich culture and tradition slide thoughtlessly- to be
‘promoted’, or to be ‘demoted’? No comments. I would rather admire a culture that
would allow me to speak of myself in high terms and where I would not have to eclipse
myself to prove I am worthy.
Of course, one need not be ashamed of one’s roots, thanks to the significant number of
Madheshis who are proud of who they are and speak their mother tongue, respect their
culture and observe their festivities and rituals amidst the non-Madheshis. The equation is
simple- if you accept a label, it is yours; and if you don’t, it isn’t really yours- you do not
have to ‘fit in’ to be accepted. Sum and substance, the so-called self-acclaimed ‘greater’
and the ‘higher’ and the ‘powerful’ need to come out of their comfort zones to broaden
the sense of ‘Nepaliness’ to embrace the whole population of Nepal. A Nepali does not
have to be a Pahadi or a Himali to be a Nepali. A citizen cannot be a ‘genuine’ or a ‘notso-
genuine’ citizen.
(Published in The Telegraph Weekly, August 25, 2004)
(http://www.nepalnews.com.np/contents/englishweekly/telegraph/2004/aug/aug25/views.htm#2)