Nepalki chori: You are right. Now I look at it with new eyes. those 8 months went on for diving deep into myself and understand my worthiness. Thanks for providing a true mirror.

sun shine: thanks for the wishes and of course I have already exposed my self to the sun shine....

rubylove: you too are very wonderful person to convey such lovely message of love. thanks billions,

Well guys,

As its been said, if a chunk of your happiness or life misses, its painful.I would rather say it not only pain, its never-ending agony.

Truly saying ......, I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

I know she loved me a lot once, may be more than herself. But when she told she'd lost that feeling of  love, the first thing came into me was shock followed by anger and disappointment. I cried to myself  for the loss. Then I started negotiations. But things didn't work. Then I thought I started hating her so immensely that I hated everything about her.

But trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. I couldn't forget her. I wanted then to give new dimension to the way I related to her. Thought to be friends. But time and again when she discussed her on-going relation with someone else I felt tortured and became abusive.

"I lived in torture, thinking of those moments...every look he gave  her, I got sicker and sicker...
There's a burning in me. I felt on fire, and there's guilt, and I couldn't get rid of either..".

Old flames still smolder, especially when they're early love affairs, which leave a particularly vivid mark in our minds. Reawakening such a romance can be an incendiary experience—intensely passionate and dangerous to trifle with."

But..but..but....again when alone, I said to myself why to punish little girl or myself. One falls in love with someone near and someone who cares. I got the answer. I forgave you. I now want to see you happy. My love feelings for you are diluting but sense of humanity and feelings of co-operation has come forward which seeks your co-operation.

I now feel comfortable with this transformation and want to calm the past and begin new future where even your good far presence won't become nostalgic for me for you had been once a foundation of my fondest dream and treasure of life time.

"Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna,
bavre se mann ki dekho, bavri hain baatein
bavri si dhadkanein hain, bavri hain saansein"

Regards

-sp