Arati was attracting attention from all the guys at my college. Usually, she was most happy during class, but one day she looked very upset. So, I asked her what happened. Faintly smiling, she told me nothing was wrong. I knew something was wrong because her eyes were wet. Not speaking a single word, she pulled me aside.

Slowly in a soft voice, she said, "I'm getting married." I could not believe her words. She was too young and just finished her teen years.

"My father is very strict and I can never speak a word against him," Arati said.

Nepal is culturally dominated by males, even though females make up slightly more than half of Nepal's population (50.04 percent). Everything in a family is decided by the father of the family. This tradition was started by our ancestors. The future of the children, especially a girl's, is decided by the parents no matter the family's level of education. A girl has no right to speak against their parent's decision.

Arati, being a daughter from an educated family, is facing this problem, which is more common in rural areas where the literacy rate is lower.

But Nepal has made progress in increasing literacy over the years. The 2001 census indicated that the literacy rate among Nepalis six years old and older is 54 percent, with a male literacy rate of 65 percent and a female literacy rate of 43 percent. Yet there is a lot to be done to reach a universal literacy target.

Arati cried in vain and shared her sorrows with me. When I asked if she ever seen the guy with whom she would be marrying, she replied, "My father has seen him. Maybe my father knows best."

Her answer astonished me for a moment. She was about to spend her whole life with a person she had never seen and know anything about. Then I asked her, "Who is going to marry him, you or your father." She had no answers to my questions, but only said "What can I do besides obey my father's decision? How can I tell him that I have a man of my own? It is against our tradition and culture."

Despite of her own interest of studying abroad and selecting a man of her own choice, all of her dreams were scattered by one decision from her father. This problem is not unique to Arati, but is common to thousands of women unable to speak up for themselves.

In our Hindu culture, there is a saying, "The responsibility of a father is fulfilled only after the successful marriage of a daughter. They have the concept that marriage of a daughter opens the door that leads to heaven." They are all misguided by the word "heaven" which is beyond our imagination. Family decisionmakers still have this old tradition and in fact, feel proud of it. Asking an elder, he said, "This tradition should be followed to keep the women on track. Parents always want a good future for their children and the right to make decisions for their children."

He may be right to some extent, but this result has directly affected the feelings of women and given more power to the men in society.

A revolutionary change in socio-cultural values is needed. But empowering women in Nepal is far easier said than done. The nature of gender bias gets mediated through the extent of household poverty. A daughter is not entitled to her paternal property because her marital status will change. Women must forfeit their inheritance after they are married.

The Nepal Marriage Act also defines the legal age of marriage with parental consent as 18 years for boys and 16 years for girls. Without parental consent, these ages are 21 years for boys and 18 years for girls (Shavitri Singh 1995). Almost half the girls in the age group of 15 to 19 years old in urban areas are married.

Education only in the form of books does not bring about a revolution. Other methods of education are necessary to avoid such problems. Tradition and culture are necessary to bind us as a nation, but changes can be made for the sake of humanity.

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