Would you believe that a Newar girl never becomes a widow ? I didn't either, but….
I was once invited to a Newar girl's Betrothal with the Bael ceremony, known as Eehi in the local parlance. It turned out to be a joint betrothal, not of one, but of several tiny damsels of that village -- an exercise that could be described as a community wedding.
There was the usual Yagna, or Fire Ritual, ceremony, reminiscent of a full-blown Hindu marriage -- and as holy; but with this striking difference -- here the grooms were no humans but the otherwise humble bael-fruits (Marmelos or Wood Apple).
The major part of the rituals were over by the time I reached the scene. I could, however, see the altar laden with the usual paraphernalia of a typical Hindu pooja, with puffs of smoke rising reluctantly from the half-burnt embers of the holy fire, surrounded by the priests, the brides and their well-wishers.
Four bashful young maidens, their ages varying between eight to twelve, squatted cross-legged on raadi carpets spread around the improvised altar, with veils drawn down their foreheads, genuine bride-style. Their bridal attires were a riot of color, with gold ornaments dangling all over their tiny persons. Gold-sirbandis stretched from ear to ear, atop their heads, gold ear-rings shined from their tiny earlobes, along with gold necklaces and bangles of gold. Whoever had sprinkled red vermilion along the parting of their hairs, had done a liberal job too.
Four fat bael fruits -- the bridegrooms of the occasion -- lay on small wooden pedestals, one in front of each 'bride'. Practically covered with vermilion, multi-coloured flower-petals and other holy offerings, those inanimate 'grooms', silent and indifferent to the whole affair, seemed to be mocking at all the youngsters of the locality who were stealing furtive glances at the charming little brides of the baels.
This betrothal with the bael, although akin more to a coming-of-age ceremony in the life of a Newar girl, is held in greater esteem and is solemnized as seriously as her 'true' marriage itself. For, this is said to be the first genuine marriage of the Newar maidens, and, understandably, the baels their real husbands. Should the girl, thus betrothed to a bael, decide to take a human husband later in life, as most of them do, this ceremony, or, for that matter, the bael-fruit, wouldn't stand in her way, of course. To the contrary, the preservation of the bael, her 'first, real and permanent' husband, could also mean a lasting guarantee against her possible widowhood, and, should such an eventuality come to pass, would protect her right of remarrying again and again…and again !
Writes Dor Bahadur Bista in his "People of Nepal" : 'Many Newars - especially Buddhist ones - do not consider marriage as a particularly sacred or unbreakable union or relationship. It is looked upon from a matter-of-fact point of view.'
Continues Bista, 'A majority of Newars observe this symbolically arranged marriage of their daughters with a bael fruit before they ever marry a man. And since it is the general belief of the Hindu and Buddhist Newar communities that a proper marriage with full rites can be held only once in a life-time, her subsequent marriages, if any, are considered only of secondary importance. Although a Newar girl marries a boy later on with almost a full ritual, she retains her marital status with the bael fruit. So a woman can, if she wishes, break her marriage with her husband by giving the gift of areca nuts she received during the wedding back to him or by putting the areca nuts besides his dead body in the event of his death. The wife, by this act, becomes free to enter into another marital union and also escape the obligation of mourning the death of her husband'.
But the Newar husband, pity him, enjoys no such freedom to break away from the matrimonial bondage so equally easily!
http://nepalicreation.blogspot.com/2007/07/never-widow_24.html