Santa asks: Who r u? Wife: How dare u forget ur wife? Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto. Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto? Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only' Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye? Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye. Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga? Doc: Haan, bilkul. Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai. Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi... Jeeto: Koun si film thi ? Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi ! Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai. Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: I'm falling in love. Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho? Santa: Suicide karne ke liye Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai? Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets Jeeto: Why 3? Santa: For you and your parents Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken. Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one. Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho? Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya. At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh! Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying? In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .... Inteviewer shouts: Stop it. Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup... Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge! Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade? Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha? Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main. Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi. Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga! Banta: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao. Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ? Tourist: Whose skeleton is that? Santa: Tipu's skeleton. Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it? Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary. Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...! Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga. Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey? Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai? Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note' Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai. Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call. Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here. Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery. The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du? Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya? Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery' Sardar strikes again!! Sardar declares: .. . . I will never marry in my life &. . . .. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . . SARDAR talking on cell. 2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho. 1ST: biwi se..... 2ND: itne... pyar se....? 1ST: tumhari hai. . . A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away Sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'. SLAM BOOK filled by Santa. 1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto. 2.Weakness:Banta' s wife, Preeto. 3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour. 4.Threat: When I am on tour Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr. Santa went to Mysore palace. Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!.. Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he do? Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call. A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil? Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE. One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village? Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!! Teacher: A for? Sardar: Apple Teacher: Jor se bolo? Sardar: Jay mata di. Sardar orders pizza. Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces? Sardar: 4 hi karde, 8 khaye nahi jayenge A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for four days. Lady calls again. Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out 2 sardars were fighting after exam. Sir: Y r u fighting? 1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank, Sir: So what? 1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied. Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money. Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.