Number: I agree with all the advise people have offered you so far. I myself went through something similar at one time in my life. One of the things that helped me get over it and move on was sharing my story with others and talking to people who had similar experiences. I was suprised to find how many people there were (both men and women) whose partners had cheated on them and that I was in no way a guy with a unique problem . When other people shared their stories with me, I realized that cheating is a pretty common problem and life just has to move on. In my case too, she knew my family and I knew hers. We had a lot of common friends as well. When I found out about her cheating, I was hurt and taken aback. I felt she disgraced me and my parents. I felt ashamed and humiliated in a way that I had never felt before in my life. I confronted her one day and we decided, in the end, to patch up and give things another try. Unfortunately, her cheating did not stop there. With the benefit of hindsight, I feel she mistook, either knowingly or unknowingly, my kindness for weakness. She had another affair a year later before we finally broke up. I can totally relate to the pain you are feeling because it's horrible to find out your partner has slept with someone else. It deals a big blow on your pride. A lot of men, myself included at that time, instinctively look at this from a purely sexual perspective: was I not able to sexually satisfy her is one of the first things many of us ask ourselves. In reality, what I found out from talking to others, was a lot of the women who cheated, were quite happy sexually with their partners but were unhappy for other reasons. In my case, she thought I did not give enough time to her and that I could not understand her and the family problems her parents were facing. What often happens, it seems, is such women seek someone who understands them completely. If they find someone who they think understands them, many women who tend to be very vulnerable when they have reached this stage , will often not resist sexual advances made by the other person because they are afraid of losing that person. From the conversations I had with some of the other folks then, this goes back to the age old issue about women giving sex to get love and men giving love to get sex. I am personally of the opinion that one strike and you are out. No matter who you are, you do not deserve a partner who has cheated on you. Even if she comes back, chances are the memories will haunt you for a long time. As men, we are pretty unforgiving creatures, and while it is easy to say I forgive you, it is often tough to follow that up in action. My life has turned out to be so much better today as a result of leaving her. I am doing well career-wise, financially and socially. I have made many new friends - some of whom are really great people. I don't mean to show off, and want to put this as delicately as I can, but today I know of more than one woman who is attracted to me. :) It's nice being an eligible bachelor again. Had my ex not cheated on me, I would have missed out on all the fun I am having now. I have now forgiven her from my heart. But in order for me to do this , I had to leave her. If we had been together I don't think I could have forgiven her and I would have lived with the humiliation for the rest of my life. It has turned out to be a good decision so far. I turned down a marriage proposal a few months ago and am mingling around as much as singlehood allows me to ...he he. Some of my other friends whose partners cheated on them have very similar stories to tell. A few departing thoughts: (1) It is not your fault: Even if you did things wrong, there is no crime for which for which you deserve to be punished by cheating. (2) Dont be ashamed: There are too many people out there who have things to hide about their spouses and those who mock you often do it to hide their own insecurities and fears. (3) Regain your self-confidence: Get laid, pick up a new hobby, join a gym, go scuba diving, do something that will make you feel good about yourself. Pamper yourself if you can. (4) Get help: See if there is a support group around. In my case, the internet was a great place to find support. Sites focused on helping people move on, chat sites, discussion forums etc where I could talk anonymously with others all helped. (5) Time heals: It will always be difficult in the begining but it's human nature to try and be happy. Happiness is bound to come knocking on your door as long as you don't shut yourself out from the world - so keep your eyes and ears open for it . I hope this helps a bit and I have not said anything to make you feel worse. I am not trying to play Freud here and I decided to reply to this thread only because I thought you had the courage to grief publicly. As men, and I am guilty of this myself, we often tend to hide our pain and shame and I admire your courage for speaking out. I think you have already taken the all important first step of speaking out and I wish you the best of luck.