Harkey!!!!!!!!! Yo kavita maa kavi ley k bhanna khojnu bhaako cha bhan ta* (what is poet trying to say in this poem) a loud husky voice belongs to my Nepali teacher. He is famous among girls. No idea why. Students say, he is more open with girls than with guys and also his behavior suggests that, but never seen him doing so. I don’t know what happens outside of class. But he definitely has more girls in this tution group than guys. I stood up, no answer what so ever. I was lost in my own thoughts, how can I answer his question. Saru looked at my face…..I noticed that……but could not look at her. I felt she knew what I was thinking. I felt she can get into my mind and heart. I felt she can read my heart and mind. I turned red……completely red………… I don’t even know what was going on in class. I was in class but full of thoughts. I never really thought what teachers were talking about. I don’t even know how those four classes passed. I realized lunch break after everyone started to walk out of the class. I did not feel like going out. I was staying in class. I usually go out of school. We do not have permission to leave school premises, but who needs permission. It’s my work, I live with my own rules. Cool guys, don’t follow rules, they break rules. *Harkey, timi khaja khaana najaaney ?* (aren’t u going for lunch harkey ?) Saru has the most attractive voice I’ve ever heard, in my life. Saru, is the most attractive person, the best in the world. I don’t know if that was my biasness or real feeling. I felt it that way, never cared about what others think. My friends definitely don’t think that way. They think she has proud on her beauty. May be because she doesn’t talk to others too often. Those days, you would go for months without talking to a girl in class. We would not talk to them until needed to. And girls would do the same too. I was different, because of Saru. I didn’t bring my lunch that day. As if I ever did. I never brought my lunch to school. I used to get some money for lunch from dad. Spend on my personal needs and share lunch with Saru. She never complained and she won’t complain today either. I replied her question *nah I am not hungry*. Actually, I didn’t feel like eating anything today. I have been thinking too much. Saru just doesn’t go out of my mind. I don’t know what I should do. I wanted to take her into my arms and kiss on those beautiful lips. I wanted to hide in those long black hairs, hide from this world and only be with Saru. She looked at me; I believe she felt something different on me today. There was lot of things different that day. I could not hide myself from her. I could not hold myself that day. I let myself break apart. She noticed that today. Is this a good time, to express myself? Or should I even do it? I am in the biggest dilemma I have ever been into. I am in the mental stage, I was never into before. As someone truly said “You are in love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world.” I haven’t been able to see other than Saru now. Her beautiful eyes look like they are trying to say something to me. Her long black hair attracts me more towards her. Those beautiful lips make me more passionate about her. I can listen to her all day and yet won’t be tired of her attractive voice. I can kill someone for that smile on her lips. I want us to sit side by side in the morning light and look out at the future together. No pronoun can explain the beauty she poses. As Shakespeare has said “Love comfort us like the sunshine after the rain,” every time I look as Saru, I forget the world. I want to create a world for us, where there won’t be no sorrows, no sadness, full of beauties of the world and all the happiness in the universe. A place where we can be happy for ever and ever, leave all the world behind and be with each other. (GOOD AFTERNOON MAA’M) all students in class stood up to greet our English teacher. She was also professor at Padhma Kanya campus; a very good teacher, loving and caring, always ready to help students. I never heard any students complaining about her. She is experienced too, and understands students very well. Not very close in relation to my family, but my mom knows her well enough to know that she started teaching when I was born. I didn’t even notice her, and she didn’t tell me anything for not greeting her. I don’t know if she didn’t see me or ignored me but definitely she did not know what I was thinking. I was thinking………..actually I was lost in thought, there was no thinking process. There is no thinking without result, mind gets lost without destination. “Everyone, take out your notebook” strict order from my English teacher. She was supposed to dictate us some notes on important topic for Board exam. She was one of the board members to set board questions (SLC questions). I don’t want to write today. I am just not able to do anything today. I am all lost. I pulled out my notebook and pen. Saru was taking notes. Nice handwriting, she has. I have to write too, I told myself. I need to get out of this tornado, it’s like quick sand, the more I try to come out of it; it engulfs me more. There is no remedy for love but to love more, and that’s exactly what I am doing, loving Saru more and more every hour, every minute and every second. The more I look as her, the more I love her. Every time I close my eyes I see her beautiful face, ever time I open my eyes I see Saru looking at me. Every time I turn my head, I see Saru sitting by my side, looking and smiling at me. How can I take notes? Every time I start to write, my sentence start with Saru. Pages are full of Saru. My heart is full of Saru….Saru and only Saru…………. Your lips speak soft sweetness Your touch a cool caress I am lost in your magic My heart beats within your chest I think of you each morning And dream of you each night I think of your arms being around me And cannot express my delight Never have I fallen But I am quickly on my way You hold a heart in your hands That has never before been given away Thought I could copy those notes from Saru. Never needed a reason to talk to her, but………….but now, I am looking for one. Teacher was talking about some grammar questions. There is a question which is very certain for SLC. Actually we have to fix the grammatical error in a statement. “Students are giving exam; correct it grammatically” my teacher threw a question at us. “Students are taking exam” was my answer. It sounds pretty easy, but is difficult for a student going to a public school in some remote areas, where teachers have higher rate of absence than all students combined have. Teacher looked at me and smiled, I looked at her smiled back, looked at Saru……..no response. I thought love was just a mirage of the mind, it's an illusion, it's fake, impossible to find. But the day I met you, I began to see, that love is real, and exists in me. As if it would end the class, end the school and end the life. That was right after the school I guess……………..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………… no it was after second terminal exam. There was a big picnic organized. Big school, total 2500 students or around that I guess. Its not possible for teachers to take all those students to picnic at the same time. It’d be like carrying the whole zoo with u. Most of the times students are always looking at this kind of opportunity and my school were well known for that. They would generally plan things like, fights, proposing a girl or beating teachers or fellow students. I would not care about those things. Not because I didn’t want to fight, but because I was scared of Saru. Saru is the only who I am scared of after my parents. Nothing in this world can scare me but Saru can just stop me from anything. I was not really scared of her. It was just a respect towards her that forced me to do what she wanted me to do. It was respect for her gentleness; it was a reward for her kindness. It was appreciation for her effort to not let me into bad habits. She never liked me smoking, I very seldom smoked in front of her. Not because I was scared, but because I respect her as an individual who is thinking about my good. She didn’t want me to get into fights, it was not for her. She was thinking for me. We were always together and we are always together. *Harkey, ghumna jaau hida*(lets go to see the place) Saru insisted me. I can’t say no. But again guys have their own plans. What more plan they would have, than to smoke weed. I can’t miss that either. Sagarnep looks at like a fierce eagle, like he’s ready to attack me if I went with Saru. Well that’s the only day for us to be free from school, home and all the rules and regulation. We are allowed to break the rules, but Saru ko rules, no way. It was not only rules, it was her lifestyle, it was her way of living, it was her way of thinking. The life she believed in and always wanted to live. I was in complete confusion. The think-tank lizardking came with an idea. “Let’s all go together” and decided to call Tannu. Tannu is a hook for Sagarnep. She’s the only one who can stop him and his craziness. I looked at Saru…….She looked at me and we were deciding on it. Saru would not mind if I smoke few puffs, it’s a picnic……and time for fun. She won’t like it, but won’t mind it either. I knew that. So, we were very much decided to go towards the woods, it was like 20 minutes walk from there. Dallipokchi poped up from nowhere. She was looking for lizardking and they both pretended they don’t care for each other and we also pretended we didn’t know. Any way, three guys and three girls walked towards the woods. Sagarnep had tons of weeds, good enough for 10 people, and only 3 of us smoking. Tannu smoked sometimes, but not today. Saru was there, and they were friends as well, close friends to be more precise. Dallipokchi was not much close to any of them, but because of lizardking, she also was a part of group now. Sagarnep, he’s master with weeds. He started loading and we smoked. Saru didn’t even look at me. She and Tannu left us and went further up into the woods. I now feel, that was intentional but didn’t really cared that time. We were smoking and smoking and smoking, three of us were stoned. I was not unprepared either; I pulled out two bottles of vodka (quarter, 250 ml). Who cares for soda and rocks, or cranberry juice. Opened and started drinking. We had to finish that before ladies were back. Fortunately we were able to finish one. Ladies arrived; Sagarnep stuffed every thing in one backpack. I pulled my backpack and we were ready to go. So, off we went to see the beauty of Kakani. I am not a great fan of nature but Saru is….so I went with her for her and only for her. She took some pictures as well. We also were there in bunch of pictures. How can I miss to be in picture with saru. Finally, we decided to go back to where our teachers were. Actually we were hungry. This time Saru decided to return. She had no complained even though we smoked. I don’t know if she wanted only us to go, but it was nothing different than being only two of us. Others were busy in their own world as well. I now think I might have been insensitive towards her. I still don’t know if she wanted to go only with me that day. I tried to figure out many times, numerious times. But I could not. Sometimes she is so much reserverd, it makes me crazy. It makes me think, she doesn’t even trust me. This is not true again. *Harkey, farkiyu hida jam, late bhayo aba* (lets go its late now) Saru said. And we found other two couples as well. Where and how, it can’t be explained in words, most important of all is we found them. And all we walked back to the camp. Food was ready, we were hungry. We were the happiest, we got food. Well it was kind of brunch for us. We were starving from morning, except for those coke and donuts we didn’t get anything to eat. Lunch was awesome, enjoyed it and I was feeling drowsy. I believe other were too. We were just chilling after lunch, and talking (all six of us) we saw three kids running towards us. Looked like kids from our school, but never know, there are so many students in school and none in uniform, its too difficult to figure out. All of us looked at each other but didn’t say anything. I was ready to kick their$$ who ever they were, but lizardking knew them. Lizardking said “Mero bhai haru ho” (they are my brothers). Later he introduced us to those three kids; they were Snuff, these_keta and Gunit. I knew one of them. Saru’s siganey baini Jellybeans was closer to one of them and thus I have seen them together lot of times. Never paid attention though, who they were. Gunit, told us they were checking out place with three other girls. Lil_hottie, Jellybeans and Metalfreakgirl. I doubt they were checking out place but still….that’s what they told us. And some guys from other school teased those three girls, and they had a fight with them. And now they needed our help. Hot bloods, we were………..all of us. Since it also involved Saru’s sister, I had to go as well. Jellybeans was cute little girl, I always felt her as my own sister. That makes me more involved I pulled out chain, Sagarnep got a iron rod from our school bus, and lizardking pulled out knuckles from his backpack. Webcop would have been a great support for us, but he was somewhere with earth_angel. Every one had their own world. We six headed to the spot not realizing that the other guys would have asked for their support as well. We were all surprised……….there were around 60 people there waiting for us. The ratio was 60:6; we knew the result of that incident, but who cared. Those are the days, when you feel you can do everything in the world. I don’t know about others, but I got to punch at least 3 guys, with metal chain. I don’t even know where those kicks were coming from. All we could save was our face, rest was on god. All I remember hearing is WEBCOP coming with his friends and those other guys running away. WEBCOP was known well, for his aggression and is affair with Earth_Angel. Nice guy, until he gets mad.