> You have two choices in life: > You can stay single and be somewhat sane, > or get married and wish you were dead. > ------------ > At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, > "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I > married the wrong man." > ------------ > A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" > Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: > "You > can have mine!" > ------------- > When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let > her keep him. > -------------- > A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. > ------------- > A little boy asked his father, > "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" > Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying." > ------------ > A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man > doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in > every country, son." > ------------ > Then there was a woman who said, > "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it > was too late." > -------------- > Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. > --------------- > If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word > you say -- talk in your sleep. > --------------- > Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking > they had no faults at all. > -------------- > First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" > Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive." > ----------------- > A Woman's Prayer > Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive > him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for > Strength, I'll just beat him to death. > ---------------- > AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! > Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A > blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find > it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the > bus. > So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the > husband > gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it > on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at > the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." > The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR > stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."