I was looking at her. I just can’t stop staring at her. The way I was looking at her, was impossible to go unnoticed, and she definitely would notice that. I believe others really didn’t care. I was known to joke around with people too much, up to a limit where they won’t even talk to me. I’d go to Saru and ask her to talk to them and say sorry for me. *Timi laai kati bhannu, jpt nabhana bhanera* Saru’d be mad at me. *Ma jiskeko matra ta ho, telley seriously liyo k* I’d make sad face and try to find an excuse. There was always my fault I guess. But who cares, kinda those careless feelings. Others really didn’t care and ignored, but Saru……….she could not ignore it. She peeped and found me staring at her again and again and again. Its not the first time I looked at her face, its not the first time we looked into each others eyes. But this was different…….we felt each other, this time. *Saru…timi ra ma bihey garney hai, thulo bhaye pachi* I was in grade 1. I still remember those days. Even after 8 years, it’s still fresh in my memory. Actually I remember every moment I spent with her. *Timi siganey sanga ko bihey garcha?* was her reply. Then I complained her mom about it. I went to her crying and said *aunty, saru ma sanga biha nagarney bhanchey* She gave us a candy bar and said *thulo bhaye pachi garney bihey, ahiley hoina* *Harkey….haami gayou hai, will be back in while…..* Saru’s voice distracted me from old memories. She didn’t like me looking at her. Possibly others noticed it too. I was there alone, lost again….. I looked out of the window. The whole boys gang (kta haru) is talking and laughing. I don’t know what they are talking about. I become more conscious “Are they talking about me?” could be. After all they know me and Saru as a old friends…….but how could they laugh at me, they don’t know how I feel about her……Or do they ??? Actually, I have never let my feelings come out. I don’t know what happened today. I just could not stop myself. My heart, overcame my mind. I always have been very conservative towards showing my feeling and emotions out. And if it’s for Saru, I am more sensitive towards it. I don’t want her friends to make fun of her. No way, it just won’t happen…………Well, it didn’t happen until today. May be that’s why, she walked out on me. Now, I am more scared if her friends realized it too. I don’t want embarrassment for her. But might be she has talked to her friends about me as well. Girly talks, who knows. They are very difficult to understand……but Saru is simple. I understand her………………understand very well. She is my best friend and I am proud of her. She understands me too………understands me very well. I lost control over my feelings today. Is it time to express my feeling to her? Or should I still wait for some time. Why can’t it be simple? It’s been too much complicated for me. How come I let my emotions ruin me…….I have suppressed it for over a decade now. Why can’t I think something else today? Was I ever thinking anything else but Saru before……….? contd.................