John, A deeply moving tribute to an individual whose loss must have caused you enormous pain and sadness deep down. I know, one needs a great deal of will to come forward and share an experience of that level, and I applaud your willingness to show us that you do indeed possess plenty of it - the will to speak out. More so heartening perhaps is the display of sincerity and directness with which you recount a sad turn of event that did affect you life one way or another - there is just no better way to pay homage to as well as celebrate a life what was to end so young in a fickle twist of fate. My deepest condolences. Remembering is a painful affair; it often re-awakens one's bewildering sense of loss and grief but I think, it is also one's embracing of a crucial part of the healing process - the getting over. Not an easy task, mind you because I have been there - the pangs of both sadness and guilt will grip you so sourly without any let-up and no amount of self-consolation can heal the wound easily. Only time will slowly. This has been my experience at least when my grand father died - he was my hero, strict and hard-looking but with so much warmth and kindness at heart for others. One part of his personality that I admired most - something that made me adore him as a person with unbounded obedience. The saddest part of his death was that I couldn't be by his side when he passed away. I was in Hong Kong, busy enjoying my transit break on the way home from England, when I heard the news. It had been more than four years since I had last seen him - little did I know, my time with him four years before would be the very last one. Unfair, don't you think? That was early nineties - years have passed since, and so have any remnants of my sense of pain and guilt. Only his cherished memories to cling to now - I do still miss him though, sorely. Isn't death an all too cunning tactic in God's poker game when you think about the tricks that He tends to throw at you unannounced? Nature's gruesome reality perhaps - whatever but we are less keen to talk about it, often electing to remain in denial, perhaps because our worst fear lies in contemplating the death of those close to us. I may be wrong. Let me sign off. Take care John. Carpe diem