*********************************************************************** Guys make your new year happy with all these jokes!!! but don't make ur upcoming year a joke itself....do something good to u, ur country and community!!! Make ur parents proud. Happy New Year. *********************************************************************** BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy. >>> > > > GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... >>> > > > GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?? >>> > > > > GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple >>> > > > > GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever. BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?? >>> > > > > BOY : I love you and I could die for you! GIRL : How soon?? >>> > > > > BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?? >>> > > > > SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?? TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. >>> > > > > MAN : You remind me of the sea. WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? MAN : NO, because you make me sick. >>> > > > > WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. >>> > > > > MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter? PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly. >>> > > > > Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?" Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday". >>> > > > > Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil : "The moon". Teacher : "Why?" Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it". >>> > > > Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" Pupil : "A teacher". >>> > > > > Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?" Customer : "What other colors do you have?" >>> > > > > My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. >>> > > > > Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !" Sam : "It's a family tradition". Teacher : "What do you mean?" Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman". >>> > > > > Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?" David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated". >>> > > > > Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love". >>> > > > > Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook". >>> > > > > Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?" Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical reco rds show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died". >>> > > > > Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time." >>> > > > > Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?" One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."