A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." ********************************* A black guy and a white girl met at a nightclub. She took him to her apartment and said: "Tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"... So he ran off with the TV and VCR... ********************************* Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper, so that you could hold me every morning!" Husband: " Me too, my dear, so that I can have a NEW ONE every morning!" ********************************** A Chinese couple got married. When the baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of baby was SUM TING LONG ("some thing wrong") ******************************* A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised? Lady: "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!" *What is a KISS? It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION. =================================== What men do after sex? 2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and 86% get up and go back home to their wives. ============================== ===== Why is your penis better than a credit card? (a) Once spent it recharges itself. (b) It is accepted worldwide. (c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants. =================================== LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor's son has a penis like a peanut!! MUM: You mean it's small? LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!! =================================== A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing. =================================== A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies? MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS. =================================== Women top 5 lies: from the whitest down 5. I am a virgin. 4. It is so big. 3. I can't do that to my best friend. 2. I won't gain weight after marriage 1. I am coming! I am coming!!! =================================== A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She says: What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear. =================================== What is the closest thing to a woman's period? Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!! =================================== Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING". =================================== Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school? Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY". =================================== What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain? Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME. =================================== MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP! GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"