My Immemse boredom and Nirman jyu's accusation of me neing lazy has driven me to post this story. Isn't much of a story but well does it matter? Her eyes flickered and then suddenly popped open, was she dreaming? She tried to think what had happened last night and why did she feel a dull ache in her head? Had she been drunk last night? Was it morning or has she fallen asleep during the afternoon? She tried to concentrate very hard which only added to the unknown headache. Thinking that it would be better to step to the bathroom before trying to make anything out, she got out of bed. She was not wearing anything except the skimpy undergarments. That was weird, she never undressed for bed! As she looked at the mirror and noticed her swollen eyes it all came back to her. The intensity of realization and awareness hit her so hard that she dropped down to the floor. She was not weak, she had never been a fragile creature who needed other people?s support. Yet when she had ultimately needed someone and had extended her hand for help, no one was there to grab it! She shut her eyes close and begged it all to go away, but it was imprinted on her mind like it was the basis of her survival. She pushed away the long strand of hair from her face and determinedly made her way to the shower. It was not the end of the world! Mom and dad would never know what had happened. She felt an unknown hollowness in her abdomen. She tried running her hand through it but she did not feel a thing. No living monster inside to haunt her and no sickness that prevented her from going to college in the morning. Everything was back to normal, or was it? She turned on the shower and closed her eyes. She let herself dissolve in the warm sensation of the needle-like thrust of her shower. If it were knives showering down towards her rather than the water she would be able to take that pain much easier. She closed her eyes and there it was-- the monster that had haunted her. It had not gone away yet, it was still imprinted on her mind. It was still holding on to her; threatening to take her soul away with it down to eternal suffering. She wanted help; she wanted to escape this loneliness. Should she call him? The thought only lingered for a minute before she shoved it away. No she could not do that! He had thoughtlessly ended their so-called relationship before she could even tell him about the baby. "The baby"? her soul cried out again as a sharp dagger pierced her heart. How could have she thought of the innocent soul as a monster who was set on ruining her life? How could she have killed her own child? She stepped out of the shower and looked at the mirror as two brown eyes looked back at her. She could not see the sadness in the eyes or the lost look of the 19 year old. All she saw was a pale girl with serpent-like hair staring back at her. She hated that face, hated the mirror and loathed herself for being herself. He had been a charming 25 year old who she had fallen for instantly. He had promised the stars to her, spoken words of love and she had thought he was her soul mate. She had never asked for anything, had it taken granted that he promised it all with his eyes. After a few months, when least expected, he had called everything off. She had too much ego to ask for a reason, but deep inside she was devastated. Having discovered of her situation only a day ago she was a lost soul not knowing what to do. And today she did not know where to go and who to have faith on. She changed and applied some make up carelessly. She decided to take a walk outside ? going anywhere that her feet took her. It seemed like she was walking through those roads for the first time in her life. Everything seemed cold and unfamiliar. But on the cold and strange street there was a corner where warmth glowed, a corner that eliminated closeness and love. Who else to confide on than her mother? She rang the bell and nervously waited for her mother to answer, her palms all sweaty and her throat going dry. Her mother had been her best friend, her confidant, her confidence and yet she had hid it all from her, never told her about him or the baby. How would she face her? "Darling, I am so glad to see you I had started thinking that you had forgotten us." Her mother literally beamed at her. "Ma I have something to say to you" "What is it? Is something wrong at school?" "Ma, I have to say this to you or I will die. I know you will hate me for this but I can't hold it in anymore, it's choking me. I just had an abortion last night. I was 3 months pregnant, and I had no idea of what to do. I didn?t tell you because I was scared. And now I need someone to hold me and tell me its alright. Someone to stand beside me." Ma's face looked like it was made of granite. Her face was emotionless and gone was the love, the compassion and before her stood a lady she had never known. "I think you should leave now," was all she said. She ran out of the house. The tears were blinding her, the emptiness killing her. She would have understood ma?s anger, but could not understand her rejection. The loneliness creeped inside her. Realization sunk in, it was her battle and she had gone in it alone. She had made the decisions herself and now had to go through the consequences alone. She had destroyed her real companion last night so isn?t the emptiness what she deserves? Maybe its fate or maybe its destiny but she is going to be a survivor!