The second one just cracked me up. Here's one: A guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven where he meets God. God says to him, "I have looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition." The man said, "Yes, God. And what is that condition?" God says, "You must spell the word: love." The man spells the word and God lets him into heaven. As the man walks in, God tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word. After a short period of time, the man's wife shows up at the gate. "What are you doing here?" he asks her. "Well," she snorts, "on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and I died." "Alright, but before you enter heaven you have to spell one word," he told her. "What word is that?" she asks. "Czechoslovakia," he says.