A very live-wire topic - very brave of you to bring it up, Pagli. No matter what turn this thread takes and no matter whether you get helpful advise from this thread or not , you have taken the courageous first step of speaking out about an issue that many are affected and bothered by but don't speak about in public for fear of conflict , further humiliation or ego damage. Hats off to you. My own take on this is - I have absolutely *NO* sympathy for people who knowingly use language that is insensitive to other peoples feelings -be it about gender, caste, ethnicity, language, race, sexual orientation etc. As the postings on this thread have shown, ethnic insensivity flows in many different directions and is inter-twined strongly with ignorance. A few points crossing my mind right now are: (1) F*ck them all: Anyone who makes insensitive remarks about some aspect of another persons identity is either (a) Ignornant ie doesn't realize what he or she is saying could make another person feel bad. Many people in Nepal grow up in families where people dont have friends and contacts outside of their castes and communities. Such people would not have an understanding about the culture and heritage of other communities and often try to find convenient ways to view the others. Those Bahuns and Chettris who refer to all Tibeto-Burmans as "bhotes" or those SETAMAGURALIS who refer to Bramhins and Chettris collectively as "Bahuns" are some examples. In some cases their intent could be malevolent but in many cases it is the intellectual and mental capabilties they have developed that do not enable them to see the complexities of other people's identities. It is simply easier to paint everyone with one stroke than to take the time and energy to understand the identity of others. I know many people who are like this and some of them are very nice but if they get into trouble for making a caste-insensitive remark, then I will have no sympathy for them because I feel they deserve it. In this day and age, *everybody* must make an effort to understand and respect the cultures of others around them and if they dont then they deserve the consequences of not doing so. Period. or (b) A mean loser - The person knows his words will affect the other person but knowingly makes casteist or racist remarks in order to either vent some frustration or just to feel good about himself. This person may be holding a grudge against another person from your caste or community but may choose to take it out on you if he finds you are vulnerable.This is pretty common and I view people like this as sore losers When confronted with a situation like this, especially when it is obvious that the person has the capability to be sensitive about such a thing, I often choose to confront the person up-front. People typically prey on others when they think the other peson will do nothing about it. Some people simply function like that ie their predatory instincts take over when they seen a vulnerable person. I have observed such behaviour countless times in people from all over the world. So if anyone makes a remark at you that you are uncomforatble with, chances are they know you might be uncomfortable with the remark, but chose to make it any way, because, either conciously or subconciously, they thought they could get away with it. Give them back their own medicine is what I say. F*ck sobriety and propriety. If they dont care about how you feel, why should you? (2) Take pride in yourself and your heritage No matter who you are, rich or poor, educated or not, sauve or unsophisticated you live only once and you deserve the best the world has to offer. Everyone has something to be proud of - whether it be your parents, your siblings, your family, your village or city, your forefathers, or simply yourself. There is no culture in the world that is better than another. My own culture, in spite of its blatant flaws and shortcomings is the best for me and I hope so is everyone elses for them. When you feel good about who you are you feel like standing up for it. I could go on and on but I better stop here before my session times out :). They very fact that you have chosen to bring this issue up shows a remarkable trait in your character and value system that I think willl help you deal with this issue. Good luck! With goodwill towards all and malice towards none. :)