How To Photograph A Puppy! * Remove film from box and load camera * Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash * Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle * Choose a suitable background for photo * Mount camera on tripod and focus * Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth * Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera * Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees * Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand * Get tissue and clean nose print from lens * Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash * Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose * Put magazines back on coffee table * Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head * Replace your glasses and check camera for damage * Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!" * Call spouse to clean up mess * Fix a drink * Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning