MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he? MAN: He's at home. CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy. The next day, the man returns. MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he? MAN: He's at home! CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat. The next day the man returns. CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack? MAN: Put your hand inside. CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it? MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper. Smoking at Gas Station This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught on fire. When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm at a gas station. Rabbit Breakout Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette." A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."