I was sitting with my cousins and just talking.. you know sometimes how much fun it is to just sit.. talk about things that really dont matter and see what we think about things. I was finally able to sit down for 30 minutes and not have pain on my lower abdomen. Due to my sickness I finally had some time to spend with my cousins. Such irony... anyways. We were sitting and talking and I dont know how the talk went over to stuff... My cousin and his gal have been together for 7 years, and now they are finally realizing that it is time for them to get married. The word I have never understood. I can NOT visualize myself as the marrying kind. I mean if neccessary then maybe one day but for now the word is a big NO NO. We started talking and discussing. I mean ever since these people decided to commit to each other, they have been dependent on one another for every decision. Now I am at my cousins place due to my health. I do not have to think about telling anyone anything, or explaining why I am absent from my home. That is the freedom that I have as a single independent person. I do not have to rely on someone else's schedule to make my own. Nor do i have to call and make sure that there are no plans for the night before telling my cousins that i can spend the night with them. How convinient and how satisfactory. The other thing I was thinking about was... some other day when I was with a man who I thought would be "the one" for me, I was just sitting there doing nuthin, just being comfortable in our skin when this cold sweat struck me. OMG is this really the man I think I want to spend my life with. I mean come on how do I know that this is going to last? HOW HOW HOW... There is no guaranty or anything as such that says that loving someone or even marrying them confirms that you are going to be able to be with them forever. I mean no offense to the specific "one" but just a thought. Things might go wrong. What if you decide that later on they are NOT the one.. after its too late!! Too scary and amazing... So to all the people who are confident of their "one" and who are devoted, commited and everythin... I am amazed and I admire your sense of togetherness and your confidence on one another! For now I will just take a step back and enjoy the show!