(Contd.) Mostly, the story suffers severely from awkward constructions and careless punctuation, all results of very sloppy editing. How else to explain elementary slips like these, for instance?: "The phone kept on ringing as if the call is just for him and no one else is listening it ringing."(conflicting tenses; awkward construction; preposition missing after listening) "Arun responded the call nindrako surma." (preposition missing after responded) "'Hello' Arun repeated the word." (I would suggest a comma after Hello; "the word" is redundant and can be deleted) "'Maharajgunj' Arun answered as if he gave in to that sweetness of the voice on the other side." (again, very awkward construction, with a redundant prepositional phrase; I would suggest a comma after Maharajgunj and also: ... as if giving in to her sweet voice.) So let me re-iterate: edit, edit, and edit some more. Once the form ceases to distract, the reader can then better focus on and enjoy the content. In the meantime, let me say that composing a story and presenting it on this wonderfully anarchic site is harder and takes more courage than merely critiquing it, and I commend you on it. Hope this helps, in however small way.